Broadway Romance
by JaganPrincess
Summary: When James Diamond, cocky son of the assistant dean at Julliard, takes notice of Logan Mitchell during class one day, a sort of romance sparks between the two.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: This is an introduction. And I'm aware that my writing skills kind of suck. Please don't be rude. Constructive criticism is appreciated. No hate.

This woman was scary. No, that wasn't even the right word. With her stick-straight white blonde hair, piercing silver-blue eyes, 6 foot tall stature, and thick Scandinavian accent, Professor Annika Neilson was blood-curdling, horrifying, intimidating, chilling, and unnerving. And God forbid you get on her bad side. No one ever came out on top of one of Annika Neilson's stare-downs. It just wasn't done.

Until now. The entirety of Professor Neilson's Advanced Stage Performance class was holding their breath in anticipation, eyes glued to the new kid, who seemed to think he could hold his own against the professor. But he was a beginner. He didn't know what he was doing.

But Neilson didn't take that into consideration. When some cocky-ass little amateur walks into _her _classroom, thinking he doesn't need to listen to her, assumes that he already knows everything there is to know about stage choreography, she loses all rational thinking skills and patience she acquired over her numerous years as a teacher. _Fuck _rationality. _Fuck_ patience. Annika Neilson took theater very, very seriously, and no living soul was going to make a mockery of her highly-praised course.

"_Vad ger dig rätt att tro att du bara kan fjäderben in här som något höjdare och räknar med att veta rutin som jag anpassade coreographed själv? Du är i över huvudet, liten pojke." _ Her low tone was large, powerful, accentuated with clipped words and sarcasm that conveyed over the language barrier.

The new student rolled his eyes. Who did this bitch think she was? Just because she was supposedly the best choreographer at Julliard did not give her the divine right to belittle him. Even though he didn't exactly know what she said… "It's really not effective to yell at me in a different language. For all I know, you could be secretly complimenting my stunning good looks."

The seething professor stepped forward, staring the student directly in the eye, practically searing his soul with one look. His stance wavered a little bit under her gaze. "Go. Sit. Down." She ordered, voice lower than ever before. "Now."

Rolling his eyes, the tall brunette spun on his heel, adjusting his duffle bag on his shoulder. "Whatever. Like I need this class anyway. We all know that I'm the best performer on campus." He dropped his bag onto the hardwood flooring with a thud, sliding down the smooth wall into a sitting position and glancing at the male beside him. "Do you know what she even said?" He whispered lowly, brushing his hair out of his face.

The brunette jumped in shock, turning to face him. His face flushed tomato-red as he ran a hand through his short hair. "Um. Basically, she said that you have no right to walk in here, expecting to know a routine that she created herself. And she added that you're in way over your head. Then she called you a little boy." His eyes darted around the room during the translation, looking anywhere but his eyes.

He hadn't been expecting that. "You know Norwegian?"

Her head jerked. "It was actually Swedish. And my grandmother's from Sweden, a-and I spent a lot of time over-over at her house when I kid, so…I guess I just picked up some key words." He stuttered, fiddling with the rubber Batman bracelet that encased his wrist.

"What's your name?"

The shy acting major turned his head so all he could see was the back of his neck. "L-look. I don't socialize with people. And I really don't want to start now. Sorry."

"Do you even know who I am?"

His head bobbed up and down. "Of course I do. You're the assistant dean's son. James Diamond, future Broadway star. The entire campus knows who you are."

James ran a hand through his hair, sighing loudly in frustration. He couldn't explain the intrigue he felt for this guy, and it was annoying him to no end. "I don't really think it's fair that you know my name, but I don't get to know yours."

"I don't understand why you care." He replied softly, reaching for his notebook and pen.

"I don't exactly get it either." He mumbled to himself, spreading his legs and stretching.

From the front of the room, Professor Neilson clapped her hands together loudly, commanding attention from all the students in the room. "Amateurs, I'm ending class early today. Mr. Diamond had ruined my mood for the rest of the day. Class will begin tomorrow at 3:45 PM sharp. Don't be late." Shooting a glare at the cocky brunette, Neilson turned on her heel, gathered her things, and stalked out of the room.

The boy beside James began gathering his things, quickly and silently. "Please just tell me your name. What's the big deal about that?" James pleaded, rising to his feet.

The brown-eyed guy sighed heavily. "Logan." He whispered, practically running out of the room.

James smiled, reaching down to pick up his bag. Swinging it over his shoulder, he sauntered out of the room, slowly merging into the heavy flow of students hurrying to their next class.

_Logan._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. Or anything else mentioned in this chapter.

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: Yeah. So basically, I decided not to do any of my homework until I had this next part finished, because it was bugging the heck out of me. Hope y'all enjoy :)

"Dad, I need to access the audition tapes archives from the past three years." James demanded as he sauntered into his father's office, ignoring the important-looking man that was in deep conversation with the assistant dean.

"Um, James? I'm in the middle of something here." Mr. Diamond hissed, shooting an apologetic glance at the man. James rolled his hazel eyes and planted himself down in the warm leather couch that sat opposite the large oak desk. Crossing his legs at the knee, he lounged back and resembled every bit the spoiled, rich—yet extremely ambitious—brat that he was.

"Hello, Mr. Diamond. How are classes going for you this year?" Mr. Torres, Juilliard's vice-chairman, asked, turning to face the wanna-be Broadway star. Mr. Torres was one of the country's most renowned vocal coaches, and had coached everyone from Idina Menzel to Anthony Rapp. James had been working with him for the past few years, trying to get his voice up to par with the rest of all the biggest Broadway performers.

"Classes are going great. I've been learning a lot."

Mr. Diamond—Sr.—leaned forward in his chair, piercing his son with his glare. "James. Please. We are the middle of very important business here. Why do you need to see audition tapes?" He asked.

James sat forward as well, resting his elbows on his knees. "I need to try and find someone. It's a matter of life or death here, dad."

"Quit exaggerating. And I can't release tapes to students."

"Why the fuck not?" James snapped, standing up. "I need them!"

Mr. Torres stood, smoothing the front of his suit. "James, student audition tapes are private and confidential. I'm sorry. That's Juilliard's policy." He explained, slowly making his way over to the door. "Seth, we'll finish this up tomorrow."

Mr. Diamond nodded, standing up as well. "Sounds like a plan. Send my secretaries a time and I'll make it work." Mr. Torres indicated that he understood, and walked out of the office. Mr. Diamond turned to face his son, eyebrows raised. "James. How many times do I have to tell you that you cannot just walk around here like you own the place?"

James shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. But everyone knows that I'm the best this school has ever seen, so it really doesn't matter." James countered, rising to his feet and slinging his bag over his shoulder. "So, if you'll just hand me the key to the archive room, I'll be out of your hair and on my way."

"James! I can't give you the key to the archives. I could get fired."

With a roll of his eyes, James stepped closer to his father. "Oh please. I know that you were just saying that because Mr. Torres was in here. So, just give it to me, and I'll give it back to you tonight when you get home."

Mr. Diamond groaned in frustration, slumping down in his chair. "James Dylan Diamond. I will not tell you again. I cannot release the key to you, under any circumstances." His father reiterated, resting his palms on the paper-covered surface of his desk.

"I'll tell Mom."

"James. You are a sophomore in college. Are you really going to threaten me with the mom card? I thought you were a little more mature than that." Mr. Diamond stated, shuffling some stray documents around while looking his son dead in the eye. "Now, I need you to leave my office. I have a very important talent scout coming to line up our schedules so I can ensure that he'll be at the next showcase watching your every move. Which is why you need to shape up during class. Professor Neilson contacted me."

James groaned loudly, tipping his head back and staring at the speckled ceiling. "Shit."

"What were you thinking, James? Challenging one of the most respected and talented professors in the history of Juilliard?"

"Dad…"

Mr. Diamond gestured toward the door. "Go. We'll talk about this at dinner, son."

Grip tightening on the strap of his duffel bag, James tensed at the command. "But I have to access the archives! Dad, this is serious!"

"WHY is it so serious, James? You still haven't told me!"

Clenching his jaw, James bit his tongue and weighed his options. Tell his dad about this strange…would obsession be the right word? It seemed a little strong. Maybe…fascination? Yeah. That would be a better term in this situation. So, he could either tell his dad about his fascination with this mystery boy, and just drop the whole thing.

If he told his dad the whole reason why he wanted it, he would be punished for "exhibiting gay qualities." And he was NOT going down that "lovely" road again. Not after last time.

"Just forget it." He mumbled, gripping his bag and storming out of the office, past his dad's secretaries, and out of the building entirely. The frustrated brunette pulled out his iPod, quickly scrolling to his Broadway playlist. Letting the voices of Idina Menzel and Norbert Leo Butz overtake his thoughts, he quickly found a tree to sit under. He tapped his feet to the rhythm of "As Long As You're Mine," while pulling out his cell phone. Twirling the device in his fingers, an idea began to develop in his brain.

Perfect. Tapping the smudge-free screen a few times, he held the phone up to his ear.

"Kendall. I need your help." James passed over formalities; he and Kendall had been best friends since third grade. They could get away with getting straight to the point.

"What's up?"

"You're still the admissions director's intern, right?"

"Yeah…how come?"

"I need you to do something for me…"

….

"Are you kidding me? I could get fired, James! And expelled!" Kendall exploded, looking at James as if he had gone crazy. His light blonde hair was covered with a knitted black beanie, and his green eyes shone with confusion.

James rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You're not going to get expelled. All you have to do is tell the admissions director is that my father needs copies of all the audition tapes from 2009 to 2012. They put that shit on DVDs now, right?" He asked, digging around in his duffle for his Stage Combat textbook and black, rectangular glasses.

Kendall groaned loudly, sinking down in the desk next to his friend. "Yeah, they do put them on DVDs, because it decreased storage space and made everything much more con—hey! You know I sidetrack easily! Fucker."

"Does that mean you'll do it?" James cracked open the thick book and began skimming the chapter that he hadn't read last night.

"No!" Kendall protested, opening his notebook and scrawling the date at the top of the page. "James, I could get expelled. I'm sorry, I know you're my best friend, and you've done a lot of awesome shit for me in the past, but I won't risk expulsion for this."

James ran a hand through his hair, glancing over at the distressed boy. "Kendall. I can ensure that you won't get expelled. All I need are four, simple DVDs. And everyone knows not to bother my dad with simple questions like, 'Oh, Assistant Dean Diamond, did you get the audition tapes that Kendall Knight had me get for you?' God, Kendall. Get a brain. I'll only have them for about thirty minutes. I just need to make copies of each one. Won't even take them home. Swear." James jokingly crossed his pointer finger over his broad chest, looking Kendall dead in the eye. "I'll even take the heat if you get in trouble."

Kendall looked away from James, appearing to be playing a tennis match in his brain. James knew the face that Kendall adapted whenever he was going back and forth between doing something rebellious or not.

As soon as Kendall turned back around, James could tell that he had broken Kendall down. "You are one awesome friend, man."

"Don't ask me why I do the things I do for you." Kendall muttered, doodling a hockey stick in the upper corner of his notebook. "I'll do it on two conditions."

James nodded, feeling excitement building up inside him. "Anything."

"One: you have to swear that you'll take ALL of the heat if I get in trouble."

"And?"

"You tell me the reason why you need the discs."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: This is a little peek into Logan's brain :) I whipped this out so quickly because I'm a big college student who only had two classes today :) Yay!

As always, enjoy :)

"LOGAN!" A high-pitched squeal echoed throughout the entire student union, causing everyone to turn and stare at the brunette, who was currently studying the art of improv acting. His face flushed immediately in response to the numerous glances from his peers. Turning in his chair, Logan found his only friends Camille and Carlos standing before him.

He threw a death glare in their direction. "What do you want, guys?" He asked, marking his place in his thick textbook. The spunky brunette girl was practically vibrating with excitement, and Carlos pretty much matched her appearance. And then he took in their appearances.

_Holy shit._ "What the fuck happened to you guys?" He asked in horror as his eyes traveled over their bodies. Camille was clothed in a long-sleeve, white formal dress covered in paint, with two huge splatters on the chest area, matched with camouflage leggings and combat boots. Her hair was tangled and knotted, cheeks defaced with random blobs of paint. Carlos, on the other hand, was wearing a tuxedo-pattern graphic tee—covered in paint, as well—, camouflage dress pants, and matching boots. Paint covered the majority of his face and arms, and his short black hair was practically dyed purple.

"Please tell me it looks like we just got married at a paint-ball arena. Please, please, please!" Carlos begged, slinging his arm around Camille's slender shoulders.

Camille and Carlos were…different than most students at Juilliard. Being two acting majors with an intense passion for their work, they took the term "method acting" to the extreme. If a professor told them they would be working on stage kisses the next class, Carlos and Camille would spend the days leading up to it acting like a new couple. Then, when they had to kiss for a grade, it would seem like a real, "couple-y" kiss. Logan also recalled the time Camille was going to try and land the role of Elphaba in the school's production of "Wicked," and spent the two days prior to auditions with green skin and screaming at anyone who offered her water.

Logan ran a hand through his hair, surveying their look. He was past the point of questioning their motives. "Sure." He sighed. "Yeah. You look like you just got married in a paint-ball arena."

Carlos jabbed the air with his fist, a look of victory playing on his face. "Yes! Camille, we so have these roles in the bag!" He cheered, wrapping his arms around his partner's waist and spinning her around.

Giggling loudly, Camille took the seat next to Logan's and started fiddling with her hair. "There's this play that a student on campus wrote, and we're auditioning for the leads!" She stated. "It's about this guy who works at a paint-ball arena, and this girl comes in to play, and they slowly fall in love, and they end up getting married in the middle of a paint-ball war." Camille explained excitedly before Carlos slapped a red hand over her mouth.

"Camille! Spoiler alert, much?"

Logan laughed softly, resuming his position on his chair. "I think your outfits kind of gave it away. No offense." Picking up his book, he added, "But they are pretty sweet."

"Thank you very much. We designed them ourselves." Camille boasted, smoothing a hand over the front of her dress.

"So does this mean you guys are going to be acting like a couple? Because, I have to say, when you guys start feeding each other food and sucking on each other's necks, it gets pretty awkward for me." The brunette male admitted, picking up on the paragraph he left off on about tips for creating convincing improv.

Carlos sunk down on the floor in front of Camille's feet, running his hands up and down her boots. "Well, the audition scenes are the part where they first meet and the scene where they first kiss."

"Carlitos, I think our game plan should be to act like two acquaintances with this intense sexual tension, always sneaking glances at each other and touching more than normal. But no couple-y activities. If we callbacks, then we act like a couple." Camille suggested, twirling a finger through her messy hair.

"Sounds like a plan, m'lady." The Latino agreed, a smile lighting up his face. "This is going to be so much fun!"

Logan rolled his eyes. "You two are crazy." He had always thought that Carlos and Camille just used the whole acting thing as an excuse to show they're real feelings for each other without actually committing a relationship. Everyone knew that getting together with a fellow performer is a bad idea; too much tension and competition.

Camille threw her head back and laughed loudly. "But we're fun, so it's okay!" After that outburst, they settled into a comfortable silence, Logan continuing his studying, while Camille and Carlos perfected their "sexual tension."

….

Finished with his chapter, Logan sat back in his chair and took in the activity going on in the union. A group of classical musicians sat in the far corner, practicing for a big recital coming up. A talented ballet student was spinning on the tips of her toes all around the room, not seeming to care that she was getting in other people's way. Two overzealous drama majors stood in the center of it all, screaming at each other while at the same time sneaking glances at the thick scripts in their hand.

Sometimes, Logan wondered how he ended up at Juilliard. Ever since career day in Kindergarten, the ambitious brunette knew what he wanted to do: be a doctor and save people's lives. All through elementary school, junior high, and high school, that was his plan. He had scholarships and grants lined up that would get him through the pre-med program at the most prestigious school in the country. He was going to intern under John Abrahams, one of the best neurosurgeons in the United States, and then create his own practice, speak at conferences, and make a big name for himself. _Logan was going to be the best._

Until March of his senior year in high school. Carlos had somehow convinced Logan to try out for the spring musical that a local drama club was putting on, something fun that they—plus Camille—could do together as best friends before graduation. It was production of Annie, and shockingly enough, Logan landed the role of Rooster. Somewhere between the rehearsals and actually performing, Logan fell in love the art of performing. It seemed to come naturally to him, as natural as breathing.

Carlos and Camille had been accepted into Juilliard during their winter auditions, and Logan honestly thought it was too late for him to even dream of applying. But Carlos managed to sweet talk the admissions director, and miraculously landed him an audition.

Two weeks later, he received his letter of acceptance, and the threesome was on their way to the most refined arts school in America. While Logan loved singing, he felt that he was stronger when it came to acting, so he declared his major as Theater with an emphasis in Acting. Despite his complete inability to socialize with his new peers, he was thriving in his new environment.

Besides, Carlos and Camille were the only friends he needed; they were familiar, comfortable, and non-judgmental.

"Logan!" A tanned hand was waving erratically in front of him, trying to gain his attention. Rolling his eyes, he slid his gaze over to Carlos with a look of annoyance on his face.

"What?"

Camille stood from her spot on the floor, planting her hands on her hips. "Why has _James Diamond_ been staring at you for the past five minutes?" She asked intensely, getting up in his face. Logan's chocolate eyes widened for a second when he noticed that the assistant dean's son was indeed staring at him. With a rather…curious expression.

Logan quickly averted his gaze, face flushing fire-engine red as he appeared to be completely enthralled with his black Converse. "I, uh…I have no idea." He stammered, rubbing his hands over his face in attempt to fade the color.

Camille sunk down on her knees in front of him. "What happened, Logie?" She placed her hands over his and forced him to look her in the eye. "You can tell us anything."

"Yeah, buddy." Carlos chimed in. "You know that we're here for you."

Taking in a deep breath, the nervous brunette looked between his two friends. "During my stage performance class earlier this afternoon, James m-made a huge scene with Professor Neilson, and she bitched him out in Swedish. James was all confused, and asked what she said. I was able to tell him, b-because my grandmother taught me Swedish when I younger, but th-then he wouldn't leave me alone after."

"What do you mean?"

"He kept asking me what my name was and shit. I don't know. It was all really weird. No one talks to me. Ever."

Camille sighed dreamily. "Especially people like_ James Diamond._ I mean, God. He is just delicious. And so, so talented."

Carlos glared at the ditzy girl. "Not helping, Cam."

"Right. Sorry. So, what did you say to him?"

Logan bit his lip, gnawing at it subconsciously. "I told him that I don't socialize with others, and I wasn't about to start anytime soon." He whispered, his face burning as he realized that he sounded like a total _douche bag. _

A hand connected to his face in the form of a harsh, stinging slap. "Damn, Camille! What the hell?"

"You don't tell someone that! Especially someone like James Diamond! How stupid are you, Loges?" She demanded, getting close to his face.

"Yeah, that wasn't your smartest move, bud." Carlos agreed, resting a hand on Camille's shoulder blade. Logan noticed the way it seemed to roam over her back as if it had a mind of its own. "What did he do after you said that?"

"He asked what the big deal was. And asked for my name once more."

"Did you tell him?" Carlos pressed, face glowing with anticipation.

Logan looked down. "I whispered my first name to him right as I was leaving the room." He ran a hand through his hair. "The whole thing was just so confusing."

Camille pursed her lips and spun around to glance at James and the blonde that was standing beside him. "Why do you think he was so persistant?"

"I have no clue, Camille. I have no clue whatsoever."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: Damn, I am just cranking these out, aren't I? :P LOL I might be able to post the next one over the weekend (hoping I get to, because I'm really excited for the chapter after this one), but I start my new job on Saturday, my grandma's in town, and I'll have a Politics test to study for. I'll try to work on it tomorrow while I'm on campus and bored out of my mind :)

A/N: As always, enjoy!

"So…you're telling me that you want me to risk expulsion because you developed this random obsession with a guy you don't even know?" Kendall hissed softly as him and James trekked into the student union, Starbucks cups occupying their hands. James rolled his eyes.

"It's not an _obsession, _Kenny. It's more like a fascination. I just want to know who he is." James explained, taking a cautious sip of his still-hot caramel hot chocolate. "There. I told you. After we eat, go get the discs. I'll have them back to you by 2:30." James paused just before opening the door and let a large group of students in fedoras pass them. "Also, my dad is swamped in meetings with talent scouts today, so you won't even have to worry about him."

Kendall tilted his head back, looking at the sky and releasing a large huff of air. "Fine." He finally muttered. "Why don't you just tell your dad the real reason you want the discs?"

James slapped Kendall's arm with his fingerless-glove covered hand. "Kendall! You know what he did last time I showed interest in another dude. Do you honestly not remember 11th grade?" James asked, raising his shaped eyebrows. Kendall bit his bottom lip and nodded, signaling that he did remember.

"Why don't you just be honest with your dad? James, this who you are. And if he doesn't accept you—all of you—then he can go fuck himself." Kendall said firmly, pushing the door to the union open. The duo walked in and headed for the food court, swerving to avoid all the artsy kids who seemed to live in their own little world. They were almost to the Pizza Hut Express line when James stopped short.

Kendall heard the brunette's breath hitch sharply. "What?" He asked, looking over James' shoulder. All he saw was a group of three students sitting around. One was sitting on a chair, seemingly lost in his own world, while the other two—who were very…eccentrically dressed—sat on the floor, stealing glances each other. Kendall shook James slightly in attempt to jog him out of his trance. "Dude, what is it?"

James gestured toward the small group. "That's him." He said in a small voice, face flushing a bright pink.

"Please tell me it's the one who _isn't _covered in paint."

Throwing the blonde a glare, James shook his head and directed his eyes back to the zoned-out brunette. "No. His name is Logan, and for some reason, he has completely captivated me. Seriously, I don't even understand why I feel this way. I don't even know him."

Kendall squinted, scrunching up his nose in concentration. "Where have I seen him before…?" He snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! He was in my vocal class last semester. Really talented guy."

James nodded. "Well, he wouldn't be here if he wasn't."

"True." Kendall agreed. "So what are you going to do?" The blonde reached up, adjusted his blue knit beanie and took a sip of his coffee.

"Kendall! You're the guy who always comes up with plans! You know I'm not good at that!" James whined, keeping his eyes trained on the object of his obsessions. The brunette girl that was sitting at Logan's feet whipped her head around, piercing the pair with her gaze. "Why are the resident crazies giving me the evil eye?"

The skinny-jean-clad music major looked over a Camille Roberts and Carlos Garcia, insane eyebrows rising when he took in their attire. "I think that Logan's friends with them or something like that." He said, taking in another huge gulp of his drink.

James looked offended. "What? Logan told me that he doesn't socialize with _anybody. _Why in the world would he hang out with the freaks of the acting department?" He asked softly, breaking eye contact with Camille. James tugged on a lock of his shaggy brown hair before he realized what he was doing. Quickly remedying his mistake, he pulled out his phone and used the unlit screen as a makeshift mirror.

After slipping the phone back in his pocket, James looked up to find Logan simply staring at him with a questioning look on his face. A goofy half-smile manipulated James' mouth, and he tried to force it off. It didn't work. Logan raised a single eyebrow before looking back at Camille, while James continued to stare at the dark haired boy, as if hypnotized.

Kendall ripped James out of his daze. "I'm pretty sure that those three were friends before they came here. They seem like they all have a lot of history with each other."

"Wha…?" James' addled brain attempted to connect what Kendall just said to what they had been talking about before. But there was too much Logan in the way for any other thought processes to try and get through.

Kendall rolled his green eyes. "Logan, Carlos, and Camille. I think that they went to high school together. But I don't know for sure." He sighed, adjusting his beanie with his free hand. "So, should I go get those discs now, or…?" He looked over at James, who had the sappiest expression on his face. "Dude, you don't even know this guy. For all you know, he could be a jazz/tap dancer." Kendall snickered, knowing James' disdain for that particular form of dance.

"Oh God. Don't say that." James begged, gripping Kendall's shoulder with his free hand. "You've cursed me. Now he probably will end up being a jazz/tap dancer who plays bagpipes on the side." He whined, shoving his free hand in his jacket pocket.

Snorting rather unattractively, Kendall slung his arm around James' shoulder. "I really can't see that guy playing bagpipes, Jamie."

James pursed his lips, studying the boy some more. "True. And you can get me the discs after you buy me a piece of pizza."

….

"God bless you, God bless you, God bless you, Kendall Donald Knight." James exclaimed as Kendall handed him the small stack of DVDs. Kendall rolled his eyes before nervously glancing all around them to make sure that there weren't any members of faculty that had trailed him to ensure that he actually took the confidential items to Mr. Diamond.

Well, technically, he hadn't lied to his boss…

_"Ms. Burns?" Kendall had asked, approaching the Admission Director's desk. His palms were slick with sweat and he hoped to God that his voice wasn't as shaky as it sounded in his head._

_ "What is it, Kendall?"_

_ Kendall cleared his throat, fixating his gaze on the red wax apple that sat atop the oak surface. "Mr. Diamond needs to look over the audition DVDs from 2009-2012. He said it was very urgent." Kendall rushed through his rehearsed speech, clasping his hands in front of his thin torso. _

_ Ms. Burns looked up from her computer and stared at the nervous boy in front of her. "What would Mr. Diamond possibly need them for? And even then, he has an access card; he could get into the archive office if needed." She droned, fingers clacking away at her keyboard even while she was speaking._

_ Kendall silently cursed James. "Um, well, Mr. Diamond is in a very important meeting with a talent scout, and the scout wants to look over the most recent admits before he decides anything." Kendall improvised, fiddling with the worn bracelet on his wrist. _

_ Ms. Burns pursed her wrinkled lips before reaching underneath her desk. After a few moments, her hand appeared in front of Kendall's face, key card held between her pointer and middle fingers. "Bring this back AS SOON as you are finished, got it?" Ms. Burns asked, passing the slender rectangle to Kendall's shaky hands. _

_ "Of course, Ms. Burns. Of course."_

He did say that he was going to bring the discs to Mr. Diamond, and since she didn't ask specifically which Mr. Diamond he was talking about…

"Can you just hurry up and make your stupid little copies so I don't get my ass kicked out of this school?" Kendall rushed out, tightly gripping the shoulder straps of his backpack. "I know you said that you'd take responsibility, but that doesn't mean they won't punish me. Oh God, I was your accomplice. Guilt by association."

"Kendall! Calm the fuck down, dude. You're going to give yourself another panic attack. And don't call yourself an accomplice; it makes it sound like we just committed some heinous crime." James sighed at Kendall's look of panic. "_Which we didn't. _God, Kendall, calm down. You were never this uptight in high school."

"I didn't have over fifty grand invested in my high school education, did I?"

James rolled his eyes. "C'mon. You can even come with me to the library and watch me make the copies. And then I'll give them right back to you so you can preserve your precious job." He snickered, turning to walk toward the large campus library. "So, what year do you think he was admitted?" The two soon fell into step with one another, swerving to avoid oncoming students who were too wrapped up in their iPods or scripts to pay attention to anything else.

"I'm guessing the same year as us. He looks about our age. Maybe a year younger." Kendall estimated, eyes darting all around them in a paranoid fashion.

The sandy-haired performer groaned at his friend's actions. "Kendall, we are not going to get caught. That would be _such _a bad idea."

"Well, you don't know that we won't get caught. Here we are. Hurry up and do the deed already."

James laughed louder than what is considered proper in a library setting. "Chill out. I need to sign in." He proceeded to type his username and password into the system as slowly as he possibly could. Kendall threw a hard punch into his shoulder. "Fuck you, Kendall. I'm just kidding." James quickly typed in his information and inserted the first disc into the slot.

Dragging the disc's content into his Documents folder, he whispered to himself, "Logan, Logan, Logan…I will figure you out."

Kendall whacked the back of his head. "Dude, you sounded really creepy just now."

James looked over his shoulder and shrugged. "Sorry, not sorry." He resumed his task. "I can't really explain why I'm so intent on finding out more about him. And it's bugging the shit out of me, because you know I never get this hung up on someone." He sighed heavily. "I need to find out what's so special about him."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: Wow. Five updates in five day :) I feel accomplished. If I get around to updating at all this weekend, though, it'll be a miracle-probably not going to happen. But I'll have the next chapter written and up by Monday night for sure! Pinky promise :) But yeah. I really, really had fun writing this chapter. And I am begging you: After you read this, PLEASE GO LISTEN/WATCH DANCING THROUGH LIFE FROM THE MUSICAL WICKED. AND PICTURE LOGAN PERFORMING IT. I got the giggles so badly when I was writing that part. Made a total fool of myself

A/N: As always, enjoy :)

James settled onto his full size bed, back resting against his headboard as he propped his MacBook on his knees. Excitement was coursing through him like a raging river as he slid the first disc—2009—into the CD drive. Even though he really doubted that Logan was two years older than him, it never hurt to be thorough while researching.

A list of all the files on the disc popped up on the screen, alphabetized by last name. "Shit." James muttered under his breath. "You couldn't have told me your last name?" Double clicking the first name, Aaberg, James blew out a sigh and watched what the screen had to offer. As soon as a stick thin girl in a leotard and tutu stepped on stage, he exited and clicked the next name. An overweight boy with a tuba wrapped around him sauntered on stage with a large amount of pride in his step.

Time passed, and James had seen too many dancers, singers, and musicians than he cared for. It wasn't until halfway through the third disc that he landed on the name "Mitchell." For some reason that James couldn't really explain, the sight of the name sent a rush through his body and twisted his stomach with anticipation. _This is it. I can feel it._ James hesitantly selected the name, eyes glued to the screen as the object of his affections appeared on the screen.

Logan slowly walked up to the microphone that stood in the middle of the stage, hands hanging loosely at his sides. He wore a long sleeve, hunter green dress shirt with an argyle-print sweater-vest, khaki slacks, and black shoes. James gulped nervously.

_"Name?" _The bored admissions director asked, glancing up at Logan, then back down at her papers.

"_L-Logan Mitchell, age 18."_ Logan stammered, rubbing his palm against his pant leg. The lady scrawled the information down on one of the documents. She looked up and stared at the nervous brunette, cocking her head slightly to the left.

"_And what you will you be doing for me today, Mr. Mitchell?"_

_ "I'll be singing a portion of "Dancing Through Life" from the musical Wicked, and then reciting an excerpt from West Side Story." _Logan informed her, swallowing deeply and shaking his hands.

The woman wrote it down. _"Very well. Begin when you're ready."_

James watched Logan take a deep breath, step away from the microphone stand, look down at the stage, and…

_Completely. Come. To. Life. _James' mouth hung open as he watched Logan move across the entirety of the stage, singing his heart out, busting moves that would make Norbert Leo Butz proud, and shocking the hell out of the woman—as well as James. "_…Life is fraughtless, when you're thoughtless. Those who don't try never look foolish. Dancing through life, mindless and careless, make sure your where less trouble is rife! Woes are fleeting, blows are glancing. When you're dancing through life!" _ The brunette belted out the last note and James felt his emotions explode as that perfect voice invaded his ears.

Logan came to a standstill on the stage, gathering himself before walking up closer to the edge of the large surface. Taking a deep breath and looking straight into the camera, he began his monologue, not giving James any time to recover from that mind-blowing performance. "_I tried to stop it; I did try. I don't know how it went wrong…I didn't mean to hurt him; I didn't want to; I didn't know I had. But Riff…Riff was like my brother." _ Logan's voice cracked on command, and James could have sworn he saw tears clouding those chocolate eyes. "_So when Bernardo killed him…'Nardo didn't mean it either. Oh, I didn't know he didn't! Oh, no. I didn't come to tell you just for you to forgive me so I couldn't go to the police…" _James felt his heart shatter at the level of emotion in Logan's voice. He quickly slammed his computer shut, cutting Logan off, mid-speech.

Bringing his knees up to his chest, James twisted his fingers through his hair and attempted to reign in his all-over-the-place feelings. He could not believe the level of talent that had come out of that small brunette. He had not been expecting _any _of that. He hadn't expected the power behind Logan's voice, hadn't expected the deepness in his monologue.

Picking up his phone with shaky hands, he dialed Kendall's number and held the phone up to his ear.

"_Hello?" _Kendall's voice echoed in his ear.

"Dude, he's incredible." James said, trying to control his shaking voice. He could hear Logan's voice replaying in his head, slowly melting his brain note by note.

"Who?"

"Logan! He's absolutely, insanely, incredibly, awesomely talented, Kendall. At both acting and singing." James gushed. "I was blown away. I've never heard a voice like his. And the way he got so into his monologue from West Side Story. Kendall, I'm not kidding. I'm going to email it to you, because it's just crazy."

Kendall groaned. "James, I honestly don't care about this guy, and it's really not healthy for you to be acting like this when you don't even know the guy. You sound like Katie when she talks about One Direction."

James ignored him, letting his bangs hang down over his eyes. . "Oh, and he sang a song from Wicked. _Wicked, _Kendall! You know that's my favorite musical in the entire world!"

"James. It's late. I was in the middle of studying for my Broadway History exam tomorrow. Please tell me about it in the morning." Kendall begged. James groaned softly, running his hands through his hair and rubbing his forehead.

"Fine. Fine. See you in the morning." The overwhelmed brunette ended the call, dropping his phone onto the hunter green comforter and reaching for his laptop. James was planning on watching that video on repeat for the rest of the night. He quickly repowered the computer and opened the video once more.

Logan Mitchell was going to sing him to sleep, even though he didn't even know it.

…..

"Get into groups of two. _Snabbt._" Professor Neilson ordered, rapping her hands together in quick succession. "We're working on creating connections with your scene partner." Her thick accent was difficult to understand, but everyone knew better than to complain. People quickly began grouping themselves, girls immediately scooting closer to one another while the guys fist-bumped and laughed lowly.

Logan was lost. Neither Carlos nor Camille was in this class with him, and it seemed as though everyone had already been paired off. His eyes slid around the room as panic took up residence in his chest. He slowly raised his hand. "P-professor Neilson?"

"_Ja_, Logan?" The stern teacher walked toward him.

He ran a hand through his short hair, feeling his face warm with embarrassment. "I, uh…I don't have-have a partner." He stammered, looking down at the hardwood floor nervously.

Professor Neilson surveyed the room, and nodded her blonde head. "I see. Well, you will be partners with me. Is that alright with you?" She asked, eyes narrowing, as if daring him to say that it wouldn't be okay.

Logan gulped. "Um, sure. Yeah. That's alright." _Fantastic._

Neilson clapped her hands together, the sound resonating throughout the entire room. "Alright amateurs. Spread out on the floor. You will need space for this exercise." She dropped down into a crossed-leg position, urging Logan to do the same. Taking a deep breath, he slowly lowered himself down so he was sitting on his knees, hands awkwardly resting on his lap.

Right as Professor Neilson opened her mouth to explain the process, the door swung open and smacked the spotless mirror that lined the wall. James swaggered into the room, messenger bag slung over his shoulder and black glasses perched on his nose. Logan's eyes popped open as James looked directly at him and sent him a cocky smirk. The nervous actor struggled to swallow and soon averted his eyes to study the floor.

"_För Guds kärlek_, James! How many times do I have to tell you that you can't just walk in here like you own the place?" She snapped, quickly rising to her feet. "Go sit by Logan. You'll be his partner for this exercise." She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. A brilliant smile spread across James' face as he moved to sit across from Logan.

"What I want you amateurs to do is get to know each other. These people you are sitting by will be your scene partners for the rest of the semester. No switching halfway through the exercise either. Professor Neilson explained. Then she smirked. "_Du kan ångra para upp med personer av samma kön_." She added, leaning up against the wall, scrutinizing each group. (**Translation: You may regret pairing up with people of the same sex)**

Logan turned his attention to James, and was startled to find the sandy-haired performer staring at him. "H-hi…"

James leaned in close. "Hey there, Logan." A cat-like smile formed his mouth as he tapped his fingers against the floor. "How are you today?" He asked, licking his lips slowly.

Logan felt his face heat up. What did this guy want with him? "I'm f-fine…how are you?" He asked, trying to calm his shaking nerves. His mind was whirling in a million different directions, trying to figure out what _James Diamond _possibly found intriguing about him.

"I'm great!" James answered, compulsively fixing his bangs. "So, we're scene partners?"

"I-I guess…"

James smiled wide, tongue poking out between his top and bottom teeth. "Awesome! I've heard that you're really talented." He pointed out, poking Logan's knee. The brunette, in turn, backed away from him instinctively. The light in James' eyes dimmed slightly, but was back so quick that Logan was almost positive that he had imagined it.

Logan swallowed loudly and looked down at his hands. "Thanks."

"No problem. So what's your major?" James asked, staring at Logan's hard jaw line. He noted the way his entire face and neck seemed to darken in color under his scrutiny. He saw the way Logan's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Running a hand through his hair, Logan blew out a sigh. "Uh, theater with an emphasis in acting." He said, thanking God that he was able to get through that sentence without the stuttering and making a fucking fool of himself. "You're a theater major as well, r-right?" _Damn._

James smiled, liking the fact that Logan knew what his major what. Sure, all of Juilliard knew what it was, but this was _Logan._ "Yep. Graduating in two years, then making it big on Broadway." He stated proudly, sitting up a little bit straighter. "I'm hoping to start out with a few ensemble roles in major plays—like Mamma Mia, Rent, Jersey Boys, _Wicked."_ He listed off, putting emphasis on the last title.

Logan tilted his head, confused at the man's sudden change in demeanor. Before, he had been playful, but now? He seemed—as cliché as it sounded—mysterious. "Okay…Well, I wish you the best of luck with that."

The hazel-eyed student sighed, resting his chin on the heel of his hand. "What about you? What do you want to do with your life after college?"

Logan tipped his head back, trying to will the red in his face away with a quick plead to the Big Guy Upstairs. "Oh God, I don't even know…"

"Well, would you cons-"

At that exact moment, Professor Neilson stalked up to the front of the room, rapping her knuckles against the mirror. The entire class moved, as if one unit, to face her. "Class, I know it's early, but something came up, and I must be going. We will pick this up _i morgon." _She quickly began to gather her things.

Logan stood up as fast as possible, moving to shove his things back into his bag. Feeling a bout of déjà vu, James hurried after him. "Wait, Logan."

The addressed looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry. I have to get to my next class. Big ex-exam." He rushed out of the room in a flurry of nerves. James groaned, picking up his bag and pulling his phone out of his pocket, automatically dialing Kendall.

"Kendall." He said, walking down the hallway. "It's time to put Stage Two into action."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. Or anything else mentioned.

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: Wow. I really hate that this took me so long to get out on paper. Between school and work, I just didn't have to time to write. And when I finally did, the words just didn't seem to flow smoothly. This chapter went through a lot of rewrites. But yeah. THANK YOU all for all the positive comments-they seriously mean the world to me and encourage me to keep on writing. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

Logan bolted out of the classroom, heart pounding and mind racing. He quickly blended into the mass of students surrounding him and pulled out his phone. Fingers shaking, the frazzled brunette located Camille's contact information and placed a call to her before remembering that she was in a lecture. _Damn it. _

That class period was definitely…mind-boggling. He could not fathom a single reason as to why James was taking interest in him. It wasn't like Logan was the most well-known person on campus. Hell, most people barely knew he attended Juilliard in the first place.

Despite his talent for performing on stage, Logan stayed far away from the performances that were constantly going on around campus. He wanted to stay focused on his studies, not get involved in the drama that Carlos and Camille were always bitching about. Besides, the performances they had to put on in class—for an actual grade—gave him enough practice. _Even though having a history of being in plays would look good on resumes…_

"Mr. Mitchell!" An authoritative yell stopped Logan in his tracks. Turning around, he locked eyes with Professor Rivera, the head of the Musical Theater department. Logan weaved through the slowly diminishing crowd until he stood about a foot from the intimidating professor.

"Yes, sir?"

The tall teacher motioned toward his office door. "Come inside." He ordered, walking back into the lit-up room. Logan hesitantly followed, quietly shutting the door behind him. He watched Professor Rivera settle down into his large desk chair, pointing to the leather couch, as if telling him to take a seat.

Logan gingerly set his backpack onto the floor in front of the elegant piece of furniture before sitting down.

The brunette was nervous. He had never interacted with Professor Rivera before, and he had no idea what to expect out of this unexpected meeting.

"Logan." Mr. Rivera folded his hands over the stack of papers and stared straight into Logan's eyes, who shifted uncomfortably under the intense gaze. "I reviewed your audition tape last week, and was _extremely _impressed with your abilities. I then met with some of your professors and discussed your talents. Why haven't you ever auditioned for one of the school's productions?" He asked, picking up a silver pen and scribbling something onto a piece of paper.

"Uh…w-well, I…guess th-that—" Logan stammered, wringing his hands together while his knee bounced up and down erratically.

Mr. Rivera passed a sheet of paper toward Logan. "Here's some information about recommendation-only auditions for this year's main-stage musical. Our staff chose to do _Wicked_, and based off your audition tape, I highly suggest auditioning. You have talent, Logan. And you need to do something about it." He said. "I've informed all of the teachers in the theater department that I have recommended you for this audition. Please consider it."

Logan's eyes scanned over the messily-scrawled words. "S-sure. I'll think about it."

"Great. You can go now." Professor Rivera nodded his head toward the door. Logan quickly scooped up his bag and willed his legs to move faster than humanly possible as he scurried out of the office. Leaning up against the opposite wall, Logan slid down into a sitting position and tried to wrap his head around what just happened.

This had been such a weird day. First James showing an interest in him, and now this—_an audition?_ Logan quickly pulled out his phone and sent a SOS text to Camille, not really caring that she was in class.

….

James was on Cloud Nine. He had been walking around campus as if he were floating while Logan's audition song played on a constant loop via his iPod. After buying some expensive-as-all-hell video/audio ripping software—with the assistance of a little thing he liked to call "Mommy's-Credit-Card"—he was able to save the brunette's cover of Dancing Through Life to his computer, transfer the file to iTunes, and sync it to his iPod.

Practically skipping into his general education calculus class, James immediately spotted a uniquely-dressed Carlos Garcia. Moving to the desk right behind the eccentric actor, James pulled out his notebook and graphing calculator and tapped Carlos on the back with the end of his pencil.

"Hey." James hissed.

The addressed turned around, a confused expression on his face. "Yeah…?"

"You're friends with Logan Mitchell, right?"

Carlos' dark eyebrows rose. "Yeah. Have been since kindergarten. How come?" The Latino asked, fiddling rainbow button on his graffitied vest. James took a moment to observe the guy's outfit of the day. A sky blue button-up, black vest with paint splats and multi-colored buttons, zebra-stripe skinny jeans, and green Converse hi-tops. Internally shuddering, the sandy-haired male pulled his ear buds out and wrapped them around his skinny iPod.

James compulsively fixed his hair. "You should tell me a little about him." He rested his chin on the heel of his hand.

Carlos glanced back to the front of the room and watched the professor scribble that day's lesson on the white board. "James, why were you staring at Logan in the Union yesterday? It kind of freaked him out."

"Look, I just want to get to know the guy. We got paired up to be scene partners in Professor Neilson's class, and I don't know anything about him."

"Quit being creepy about it. Just go up and talk to him."

James groaned, scrawling his name at the top his notebook and rolling his hazel eyes. "I've tried that, Carlos. He just…he seems like he doesn't want to talk to me." He sighed before looking Carlos right in the eye. "And I don't get why. Who wouldn't want to talk to me?"

Carlos rolled his eyes. "There's the James Diamond that everyone on campus knows and hates." Carlos bit his bottom lip. "Look, Logan is…complex. Me and Camille have been best friends with him since we were little kids. He was picked on all throughout elementary school for being too 'nerdy,' and was badly burned by this bitch in seventh grade." Carlos glanced toward the teacher, who was sitting at her desk, texting. "Before you ask, I'm not going to tell you the story. It's not mine to tell, and Logan's really embarrassed by what happened." He ran his tongue over his teeth, gathering his thoughts. "I'm trying to say that Logan's not the type of person to get close to anybody. You probably don't even really want to know him anyways. Just get in his pants."

"But I do want to know him!" James exclaimed, causing some of their peers to turn at stare at the duo. After shooting them a glare, he turned back to the strange actor. "I mean, I'm his scene partner for the rest of year in Neilson's class. It's not like he can avoid me forever. We're going to have to get together outside of class and work on shit. I figured it would be less awkward if I knew him as more than a classmate." James gasped when his brain caught up with what Carlos had ended his speech with. "And I'm not gay!"

Carlos looked at James pointedly. "James. I know there's more to it than you just wanting to know him because you two are scene partners. May as well just tell me if you want me to help you." He let out a bark of laughter at James' confused expression. "You do want help getting to Logan, right? I mean, why else would you talk to me?"

"People talk to you, Carlos."

"Yeah, I know. The entire campus adores me and Camille. But you're James Diamond, son of the assistant dean who thinks he's so much better than anyone else here. I mean, besides Kendall Knight, you barely talk to anyone." Carlos pointed out, poking James' forearm with the tip of his pen, leaving a small blue stain.

As he rubbed his finger furiously against the spot, James frowned, lower lip sticking out in a pout. "Sorry." He mumbled. "But yeah. I want your help with getting to Logan. I was hoping to be a little less obvious about it."

"You failed."

"Fucking fucker."

"You want my help because you like Logan. You like-like him, don't you, James?" Carlos teased, a smile playing on his lips.

James scowled. "Fine. Fine. Yes. I have a tiny crush on Logan. And I swear to God, if you tell him, I will make sure that you _never _make it as actor, got it?" James hissed menacingly, looking Carlos dead in the eye. The Latino nodded, not phased in the slightest by the threat.

Then he smiled widely. "What do you need me to do?"

…...

Kendall watched Camille walk into the dance studio, head held high and neon yellow duffle bag hanging off her bare shoulder. His eyebrows rose at her ensemble of the day—a highlighter-green leotard, black and white polka dot ballet skirt, hunting orange tap shoes, and a Robin Hood-esque fedora sitting atop her head. She dropped her bag against the wall by the barre and looked in the mirror, smiling at what she saw. "Hello, Kendall." She stated loudly.

Jumping harshly at the sudden disrupt in the perfect silence of his head, Kendall blushed deeply while standing up. "Hey, Camille. How are you?"

"I'm great. Excited about today's lesson. You?"

Kendall ran a hand through his short hair, blowing out a sigh. "I've been better…"

The method actress spun around, walking toward Kendall with total confidence. Kendall had always envied the way her and Carlos carried themselves around campus, the way they didn't give a flying shit about what anyone else thought. "Does this have something to do with James being completely obsessed with my dear friend, Logan?"

"Uh…y-yeah, actually."

Camille waved a hand through the hair before pulling her arm across her chest in a stretch. "Look, James needs to be a bit more subtle. That's really the only advice I can give him." She said simply, rolling her shoulders. "Help me stretch out before everyone else gets here." Camille spun around, extending a leg behind her, urging Kendall to grab it.

_Okay…_Kendall awkwardly took hold of the skinny limb, waiting for Camille to grip the barre. He brought her leg up towards her back. "It turns out that James got paired up with Logan to be scene partners for the rest of the year in Nielson's class, so he wants to get to know him better so he can make their projects the best they can possibly be. James is all about being the best." Camille nodded in agreement, groaning lowly at the relief the stretch brought her.

"And in that, me and him and very much alike." The brunette sighed. "Kendall, look. I don't like James. At all. He's a major douche bag, and he's gotten a lot of roles over the past two years based off his name that Carlos deserved.

"James works hard for everything he wants! He began training when he was _seven _for his Juilliard audition. The school refused to grant him admission just because his dad works here. He has worked his fucking ass off to be the best, Camille. James wants to make it big on Broadway. And I fully believe that he does have what it takes to follow his dreams." Kendall defended his friend, dropping Camille's leg, quickly reaching for the other one that was hovering in the air.

"I get that he works hard. I just think that Carlos works harder. Carlos has soul. Carlos has dedication. Carlos is real."

Kendall's expression softened. "You really like Carlos, don't you?"

Camille gulped loudly, her head dropping down to rest on the barre. "More than any guy I've ever encountered. I mean, he's always been there for me, you know? When this bully in first grade pushed me over on the playground, Carlos was right there to help me up. When I got my heart broken for the first time in eighth grade? Carlos was there to cheer me up with a chick flick and chocolate. He's my best friend, Kendall. And that's why I can't go after him. It would ruin our whole dynamic." She blew out a breath of air and tipped her head up toward the ceiling. "And I have no idea why I just told you that. You didn't ask that. You're here to talk about James. Focus. I'm focused."

"Are you going to help me? Because this is really important to James. I don't think he would want me to tell you this, but he really likes Logan. And I think that Logan could really grow to like James, too. Please, Camille. You and Carlos are the only ones who would be able to get through to him." Kendall begged.

Camille turned around, looking Kendall straight in the eye. She pursed her cherry-red lips, crossing her arms over her chest. A solid minute later, she dropped her arms and let them hang loosely at her sides. "Fine. What do you need me to do?"


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: So...this took me forever to write. I was super busy with school-still am-and I'm just really sorry :( But I hope you like this chapter. It's an important one. If Logan seems a little OOC, it's mainly because he's reached his breaking point with all the confusion that he's been dealing with. But yeah. You'll understand when you read it. As always, enjoy :)

Logan sat outside the Paul Recital Hall, notebook resting on his lap while he waited for Camille to get done with her lecture. His noise-reduction headphones covered his ears, drowning out his all-over-the-place thoughts with his Wicked, West Side Story, Hairspray, Phantom of the Opera, and Jersey Boys playlist. As a steady stream of students passed him, he mulled over Professor Rivera's offer. Him, auditioning for Wicked? Sure, it was one of his favorite musicals, and he sang Dancing Through Life for his application performance, but actually be a part of the entire show? Was he even good enough?

Professor Rivera obviously thought that Logan had a shot at landing at least an ensemble role, though. Maybe one of the Ozians…

A small smile played on Logan's face while he scrolled to the song No One Mourns The Wicked. Humming along to the intro, Logan began to envision himself performing this song on a real stage, in a real show, in front of a real audience. If he was being completely honest with himself, he was kind of enjoying the vision.

"Hey, Loges. I got your SOS text. What's going on?" Camille abruptly appeared beside Logan, sinking down to sit next to the startled brunette. Logan paused his music and pulled the headphones from off his head.

"Hey, Cam. How was your lecture?"

"Boring as hell. What's going on?" Camille persisted, seeing right through Logan's attempt to change the subject.'

Logan ran a hand through his hair, sighing softly. "Well, James and I got paired up as scene partners in Professor Neilson's class, he was all cryptic again, and then Professor Rivera wrote out a recommendation for this year's main-stage musical. Which just so happens to be Wicked. So yeah. I'm actually thinking about auditioning…" Logan intoned, staring at the ground.

Camille squealed loudly, practically shattering Logan's eardrums. "Oh my God, Logan! This is so huge! Professor Rivera _never _gives out recommendations for auditions! You're going to do so great!" Camille wrapped her arms around Logan's shoulder, shaking him back and forth erratically. "We have to tell Carlos! Logan, this is so awesome!" The ecstatic actress jumped to her feet, tugging on Logan's arms in attempt to pull him to his feet. Logan slowly rose and grabbed his bag off the floor. He slung it over his shoulder, trying to keep up with Camille.

"Do we even know where Carlos is?"

Camille looked back over shoulder, giving him a "Bitch, please" look. "Logan. Me and Carlos are acting partners, and best friends. I _always _know where he is. He's in Rose, grabbing some food." Encasing Logan's wrist in her tight grip, she increased her speed as they headed toward the Rose Building.

Logan bit back a laugh, forcing himself not to make some snarky comment. "Do you think I should go through with the audition? It's in a week and a half."

"Better start preparing." Camille smiled at him as they entered the building. "You're going to sing Dancing Through Life again, you're going to own that stage, you're going to land a lead role." She stated with complete confidence before she quickly spotted Carlos standing in line at the coffee bar. "Carlos! Guess what!" She squealed, rushing over to the short Latino.

Startled, Carlos spun around, his face lighting up at the sight of the perky brunette. "Hey Cam, Logan. What's up?" He asked as he stepped out of line.

"Logan got a recommendation to audition for this year's main-stage musical!"

Carlos grinned broadly, quickly embracing his friend. "That's awesome, dude! Congratulations!" He stepped away and adjusted the ski cap on the top of her head. "You're gonna do it, right?"

"Well, I…"

Camille slapped her hand over Logan's mouth. "Of course he's going to do it!"

Logan rolled his eyes, leading his friends to a table. "Guys, I don't know if I'm going to do it. I mean, I have practically no experience. One lead role in a musical does not make me good enough to land a big role in Wicked, of all plays. _If _I audition, I'm not going to expect to get a lead role. I'd probably get a spot in the ensemble."

Carlos planted his palms on the glass table, leg bouncing up and down. "I can actually see you getting cast as Fieyero or Boq. Maybe even the Wizard. Or Dr. Dillamond."

"You just named almost all of the male leads."

Camille placed a hand on Carlos' shoulder, leaning toward him slightly. "I'm pretty sure that Carlos is saying that you are too good for an ensemble role."

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

Logan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "But playing Rooster in Annie is my only theatrical background. There are hundreds of other guys on this campus with way more experience than me—l-like James, for instance. I'm sure that he's going to be auditioning. I mean, why wouldn't someone give him a recommendation letter? He's the most talented guy on campus." Logan rolled his eyes at Carlos' offended expression. "No offense, Carlos. I'm just saying that most of the guys here are more talented than me." He shrugged his shoulders, laying his head down on his arms. Voice muffled, he groaned, "I just don't know what to do. I want to so badly, but I don't want to make a fool out of myself."

Exchanging a look, Camille and Carlos raised their eyebrows simultaneously. "Um…you brought up James earlier. You-you mentioned that you got paired up with him in Neilson's class. What do you, uh, think about that?" Camille asked, biting her bottom lip.

Logan groaned once more, looking up for a moment before dropping his head back down onto the table. "Ugh, I completely forgot about that. I don't get that guy, at all. And it's been driving me crazy. I mean, I know I should happy to be paired up with him, because it pretty much guarantees me a top grade in that class for the rest of the year. But he…is it going to sound weird that he kind of freaks me out? I mean, that first time he talked to me in Neilson's class, then the staring in the union yesterday, then the weird conversation this morning. I just…I just don't know."

Carlos pursed his lips, internally sighing. "What's your opinion on James as a person?" He asked casually, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Um, James…James is an arrogant douche."

Camille blinked once, eyes wide. "Th-that's how you feel about him?" She snuck a quick, panicked glance at Carlos.

Looking up at the ceiling, Logan sighed. "Well, I think that he is, but doesn't everyone? I mean, I'm sure there's the potential for him to be a good person, but it must be hard to dig through all those layers of ambition and all the walls he's built up around him. Have you guys ever noticed that James seems really guarded? Because he has that whole confident-but-seems-to-be-hiding-something thing going on. Do you see that? Or am I just crazy?" Logan took a deep breath, face reddening. " I don't know. I'm rambling. Someone shut me up, please." Logan begged, burying his beet-red face in his hands.

"You seem to have put a lot of thought into James Diamond." Camille snorted, discreetly pulling out her phone and typing out a message to Kendall. Logan shook his head defiantly, rubbing his palm over his face.

"No. No, no, no. I have not thought about him, and I will not think about him. Especially not in the way that you are implying, Camille. I cannot afford to think like that. You know what would happen if I allowed myself to think like that. He is my scene partner, and that is it. Nothing more, nothing less. Do _not _try to do anything to meddle with this, Cam. And that goes for you, too, Carlos." Logan said sternly, planting his hands on the table.

Carlos reached across and gently rested his hand on Logan's forearm. "Loges, no one said anything about that." He informed the brunette softly, tilting his head to the side. "Camille was just teasing you."

Logan ripped his hand away. "Yeah, well, it wasn't funny. I need to go think." He snatched his bag off the floor and stormed off in a rage, muttering under his breath incoherently.

Camille and Carlos looked at each other, identical expressions on their faces. "Well, shit. That didn't go well. I hate when Logan's mad at me." Camille muttered, resting her head on Carlos' shoulder. Pressing his lips to her soft hair, Carlos laid his head on top of hers.

"James is going to be so pissed."

Camille turned her face toward Carlos' neck, burying her face in the crook between the column of this throat and his collarbone. "I only want him to be happy, Carlos. I don't understand why he resists so much. It's a part of who he is. And we all accept it, his mom accept it. I mean, I love Logan, but God! He can be so frustrating sometimes."

Carlos ran a hand through her dark locks soothingly. "I know, Cam. He's stubborn beyond belief. But I really think that if anyone can break him down, it'll be James."

…

"Professor Rivera, I cannot express how grateful I am to you." James said, relaxing on the leather couch, staring at the man before him. Professor Rivera stared right back, stony expression playing on his weathered face.

"James, I still don't understand how I allowed you to persuade me to change this year's main-stage musical from Chicago to Wicked. We just did that show two years ago. And I had never even heard of that Logan Mitchell until you told me to recommend him." The teacher said, crossing his arms over his chest.

James smirked. "But you watched his audition tape, right? He's talented."

"I won't argue with that, James. I won't argue with that. I'm just wondering why you were so adamant about this year's musical being Wicked."

"What, a guy can't dream about being cast as the lead in his favorite musical ever?"

"I wouldn't be so confident that you'll get the role of Fieyro. Mr. Mitchell seems to be very, very skilled when it comes to musical theater. Why, his performance of Dancing Through Life would be enough to make anyone cast him." Professor Rivera stated as he scrawled something down on a piece of paper before handing it to James. "Here's my recommendation letter for you. I'd get practicing if I were you."

James' face quickly dropped the smile. "I'll do just that, Professor. Thank you." Grabbing his backpack from off the carpeted floor, he turned on his heel and stalked out of the office.

The actor had never thought of the repercussions of getting Logan to audition for Wicked. He was obviously a worthy candidate for Fieyro, but before Professor Rivera pointed it out, James had pictured Logan getting cast as Boq or Professor Dillamond. Not the male lead. That was James' part. James was born to play Fieyro. He had the looks, the voice, the talent…

But so did Logan. James hadn't taken that into account when he was making all these plans to get close to the brunette. Storming out of the building and into the crisp fall air, thoughts swirled around in his head.

_Did I totally screw myself because of some guy? See, James, this is why we don't fall for people! Especially other guys! God, have you not learned anything from the past? Besides, we don't have time to get involved with anyone. We need to focus, James. Focus on the dream. If we lose sight of the dream, the past 11 years of our life will be for nothing._

James pulled out his phone, sent a quick text to Kendall, informing him that he wouldn't be able to meet up for dinner like they had planned, and stormed into the McClelland Drama Theater. He walked past the lobby, past the ticket counter…

And paused when he heard muted music coming from the other side of the heavy doors that lead to the stage. After a few seconds of listening, his mind registered that it was the introduction to Dancing Through Life. Curiosity struck him, and he softly pushed the door open and moved inside.

On stage was Logan, eyes closed, chest puffed out. Behind him was a large metal platform, lit up by the lone spotlight. Brown eyes popping open, Logan opened his mouth and began to perform, and James once more got to watch the man completely change his personality, let go of his anxiety, and truly come to life.

_"The trouble with schools is they always try to teach the wrong lesson. Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know. They want you to become more callow, less shallow, but I, 'Why invite stress in?' Stop studying strife, and learn to live the unexamined life." _Logan's voice carried through the introduction, filling the auditorium and making James' heart swell with emotions he didn't know existed. Logan's tone was so rich and full, and, if he was being completely honest with himself, James a bit jealous.

Breaking out into the dance moves that James had memorized years ago, Logan continued. "_Dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth. Life's more painless for the brainless. Why think too hard when it's so soothing…Dancing through life? No need to tough it, when you can slough it off as I do? Nothing matters, but knowing nothing matters…It's just life. So keep dancing through…" _James was amazed at how well Logan's voice followed the notes, moving up and down, while still managing to put full effort into his dancing. Leaping and gliding across the stage as if it was all he knew how to do.

And James really couldn't deny that Logan spinning around the poles behind him was turning him on just a little. The sandy-haired brunette watched Logan come to a standstill at the front of the stage, arms outstretched as he belted out the last note of the song. As the track faded out, Logan released a deep breath, bending at the waist.

James really couldn't resist his next move. He rose to his feet, hands coming together in a loud set of claps. "That was incredible." He called out, smirking as the performer jumped harshly.

Logan squinted, trying to figure out who had been spying him. "What the fuck?" He yelled, storming off the stage, flicking on the house lights as he hurried up the aisle. "James! What the hell?" Logan asked angrily, getting up in James' face. "Why the fuck were you spying on me?"

James was taken aback. He hadn't expected the brunette to get this angry. "Hey, I was coming here to let out some steam, and you were here instead. The door was open, I was intrigued. I didn't mean to offend you, Logan. By the way, you were really good." James held up hands up in front of him, trying to convey his innocence. Logan rolled his eyes, planted his palms on James' chest, and shoved him—hard.

"Look, _James. _I don't give a flying fuck that we're scene partners. Stop acting nice to me." Logan seethed, getting up close to James' face.

"Why? Why don't you want me to be nice to you?"

"Because! Life was so much easier when you didn't know I existed! You make me nervous, you make me angry, and worst of all, you make me so fucking confused, all the goddamn time, James! I hate being confused, and I don't know what to make of everything I've been thinking, and I can't seem to stop thinking about you lately—" Logan snapped his mouth shut, internally cursing himself out at the slip of the tongue.

James leaned closer. "You've been thinking about me, Logie?" He watched Logan's face slowly grow redder by the second, almost felt the heat radiating off the boy. "Do I make you nervous?"

"N-no."

"I think I do. And you make me nervous, Logan. You make me very nervous."

"I do?"

James nodded, moving closer still. "Very nervous. I'm actually starting to believe that you're better than me. At least with that song." He gestured toward the stage.

Logan inhaled deeply, trying to reign in his ever-growing nervousness and desire that he felt for the man in front of him. "L-look, James…"

"No talking." James said before simply staring at Logan.

"W-what are you—" His question was promptly cut off when James crushed his lips to Logan's.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: So...this took me forever to write. I was super busy with school-still am-and I'm just really sorry :( But I hope you like this chapter. It's an important one. If Logan seems a little OOC, it's mainly because he's reached his breaking point with all the confusion that he's been dealing with. But yeah. You'll understand when you read it. As always, enjoy :) *yes, this is the same A/N from the last chapter. It still applies.*

Logan froze at the feel of James' soft lips pressed against his, arms dangling at his sides. He stood there, letting James' mouth move furiously despite Logan's lack of participation. After ten more seconds of the one-sided kiss, James pulled away, staring into Logan's eyes with a dazed expression on his face.

Raising his eyebrows, Logan smirked once before raising his arm to smack his hand across James' tanned cheek. The slap echoed throughout the empty theater. "What the hell, James?" Logan screeched as he rubbed his stinging hand against his thigh. Staring at James' reddening face with a sense of satisfaction, he stalked over the edge of the stage, grabbed his bag and stormed up to the sound booth. Quickly unplugging his iPod, the fuming brunette looked down at James, who was staring at him with a hand pressed against his reddening cheek.

"See you in class, James." Logan snapped as he bolted out of the large arena. Running one hand through his hair, he furiously rubbed his palm over his numb lips. "Stupid James and his stupid cockiness and his stupid I-Do-Whatever-I-Want attitude and his stupid ability to make me nervous and his stupid kissing." Logan muttered under his breath, sinking down onto the marble bench and pulling his phone out of his vest pocket. He shot a quick text to Carlos before burying his face in his hands.

Logan could sense his thoughts moving at a million miles an hour, lips still tingling from the feel of James' kiss. He could still feel the pressure of James' mouth against his. He could still feel the way James' tongue begged for the entrance that Logan denied. And the fact that he kind of craved the taste of James' lips confused the hell out of him.

_I can't like James. James is an arrogant jerk who only cares about himself and his own success. Fucking James and his fucking good looks and his fucking amazing "fuck-me" voice and his fucking perfect mouth and his fucking hair that looks softer than silk and his fucking hypnotizing eyes and his fucking nose-scrunch, make-you-go-weak-at-the-knees smile. Just….just fuck. I can't do this to myself. No, no, no. I like girls. Remember Cassie? I liked her. Sure, she took a sledgehammer to my heart and shattered it into a million pieces, but I liked her soft skin, her boobs, her soft silky hair…James has soft silky hair…_

The troubled brunette's eyes snapped open at that last fragment of his internal monologue. _No, no, no. I am not gay. I am NOT GAY._ Logan repeated the sentence like a mantra under his breath as he stood up from the bench and paced back and forth frantically.

"Logan!" Carlos suddenly appeared in front of the actor, dark brown eyes wide with worry. "What's the matter, buddy?" He asked, taking hold of Logan's shoulder in attempt to keep him in one spot. Carlos looked his best friend in the eye. "What's wrong?" Logan bit his bottom lip, seeming to stare past somewhere beyond Carlos, before he physically broke down, gulping for breath against Carlos' shoulder.

"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay." He gasped over and over again, shaking like a leaf in autumn. Carlos immediately brought his arms around his friend, running his hands over the expanse of his back.

Even though he didn't know what had happened, Carlos suspected it had something to do with James.

He still had no clue where James' crush on Logan came from, because it seemed to come out of nowhere with absolutely no plausible explanation. All he knew was that everything James was doing to try and get under Logan's skin wasn't doing anything good for the anti-social twenty-year-old. "No one said you were gay. What happened?" Carlos asked softly.

Logan shook his head, mouth pressed in a hard line and Carlos felt his heart crack at the tortured expression on his friend's face. "Logan, please. Talk to me. Did James do something?"

Looking down at the ground, Logan inhaled deeply and nodded. "Y-yeah. He did. And I-I freaked out a little b-bit." His face immediately flushed a bright red at the memory of him slapping James, and guilt washed over him like a wave.

"Like…a panic attack?"

"No. That came after." Logan groaned at Carlos' confused expression. " I kind of, maybe slapped him."

Carlos' eyes widened slightly, mouth dropping open. "Oh my God, Logan!" He shrieked, whacking Logan on the arm. "Why in the hell did you slap James? I'm sure what he did wasn't so bad that it warranted being slapped!"

"Why are you defending him?" Logan asked, sounding extremely offended as he stepped out of Carlos' embrace. "He kissed me, Carlos. He spied on me, practically gave me a heart attack, and then he _kissed _me. I wasn't going to just let him get away with it. I don't exactly understand what James is trying to do, but I'm fucking sick of it. He randomly talks to me, he randomly stares at me, he randomly spies on me, and then he randomly fucking kisses me. You _know _that I hate people fucking with my mind, Carlos. _Why the hell are you defending him?" _Logan seethed as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

The Latino stepped away from the fuming theater major, holding his hands up defensively. "Loges, look. I get that you're confused. I get that. I know how it feels to be confused about what's going on in the war between your heart and your brain. But you can't go around slapping the assistant dean's son. He has a lot of pull in this place, and can easily get you kicked out of Juilliard. Yes, James was out of line with the spying and the kiss. But he's James. He's unpredictable, impulsive. I honestly believe that he feels something for you, and if that means—"

A strangled noise came out of the back of Logan's throat as he held a hand up front of him, effectively shutting Carlos up. "Woah, woah, woah." He inhaled a shaky breath. "What do you mean 'he feels something for me'? Carlos, James _just _started…started doing whatever he's been doing. He doesn't know me. What do you know?"

A pink blush tinted Carlos' face. "Well, you know me. Always jumping to conclusions—"

"_What do you know, Carlos?" _Logan snarled, stepping closer to the nervous boy. "Why have you been talking to James?"

Carlos looked conflicted for a moment, before taking a deep breath in. "Okay, well…James cornered me in my calc class, and asked me what you think about him. I told him that you really don't, and then he admitted to having a slight crush on you and he really wants to get to know you. I don't know why, but he seemed really sincere, and I think you should just give him a chance." Carlos rushed out, avoiding Logan's gaze.

Logan's mouth dropped open, eyes popping open wide. "_What?_ Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Planting his palms against Carlos' chest, Logan shoved him against the wall as all rationality flew out of his system.

"Logan! God, get a grip, man!" Carlos grappled for Logan's wrists as he fought the taller boy's grip. "I didn't tell you, because James made me swear to not, and Kendall made Camille do the same!"

"_Camille _knows about this?"

"Yes, Logan. James sent Kendall to talk to Camille, and he talked to me. He just wants to get to know you, Logie. If I were you, I would feel pretty damn special." Carlos managed to look Logan straight in the eye, studying his friend.

Scoffing, Logan broke away from Carlos and crossed his arms over his chest. "Special? Why should I feel special?"

"In the two years we've been at Juilliard, have you ever seen James someone—besides Kendall? No. James is incredibly focused on his career. He doesn't let things distract him. But somehow, for some reason, he let you get under his skin. And now he's focused on _you, _Logan. You could at least let him explain himself before you completely decide you hate the guy." Carlos explained softly, reaching down to grab his backpack from the floor. "Look, I have to get to my next class, but I'll text you later. Camille is in her dorm if you need to talk to her. I'm sure that she'll want to know what happened. But first, try to calm down."

Logan sank to the floor, head falling into his hands. "Thanks, Carlos. I'm sorry I freaked out at you. You didn't do anything wrong." He mumbled as hot tears pricked his eyes.

"Logan?" The addressed glanced up at Carlos.

"Yeah?"

Carlos smiled softly, running a hand through his short hair. "No matter what happens, just remember that we'll all love you."

"I know, Carlos. Thanks." And with that, Logan succumbed to the tears as his brain seemed to shut down.

He was sobbing so hard, he didn't even register the long arms that wrapped around his body.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: Boom. Here you go. And I'm really, really sorry, but I HAVE NO IDEA when I'll be able to update next. I'm super busy with school; I have a huge Mass Comm test on Tuesday that I am NOT PREPARED FOR IN ANY WAY AND I AM FREAKING OUT SO HARD. But yeah. Lot's of school stress, so I don't know when I'll get around to writing. And I kind of leave you hanging here, and I feel really bad about that. But I love you all. You're reviews mean the world to me, and they're what keep me writing. And as always, enjoy :)

James stood at the base of the stage, staring at Logan's ass as he ran from the theater. Pressing his fingers to his stinging face, he attempted to calm his pounding heart and racing mind. "Oh. My. God." James muttered to himself as he rubbed his pointer finger against his lips. "Why, why, why did I do that?"

_Regret, James? Really? What is the matter with you? Sure, you kissed Logan after you scared the shit out of him by spying on him, and then got slapped, but still. There's no need for regret. Yeah, he might hate you even more than he probably already does. That shouldn't deter you from anything. _James pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Kendall. "Kendall, where are you?" He asked as soon as his friend answered.

"_McClelland. How come?" _James sighed in relief.

"I need you to get to the main stage. I need some advice."

Kendall groaned loudly, and James could almost see the blonde tipping his head up and rolling his eyes. "_James, I'm in the middle of rehearsing for my Classical Music 304 class. I really don't have time for…whatever it is."_

"I kissed Logan." James blurted out, running a hand through his hair before compulsively fixing it. "I kissed Logan, and he kind of flipped out." There was silence on the other end. "Kendall?"

"_Are you serious?" _

"Why would I joke about something like that?"

"_James! My God, what is wrong with you? I'll be right there." _James heard Kendall end the call and dropped the phone onto his lap. Opening the flap of his bag, he reached his arm to the bottom and grabbed a small pocket mirror. James popped it open and started adjusting his shaggy bangs. Once he heard the familiar slap of Vans against thinly-carpeted floor, he snapped the mirror shut and shoved it back in his back. He stood quickly, smiling at the sight of his tired-looking friend.

"Don't smile at me, I'm pissed at you. Why, why, why, why, _why _would you do something so inconsiderate and stupid?" Kendall snapped, giving James a hard punch to the shoulder. Wincing, the brunette gripped his upper arm and groaned.

"What the fuck?"

Kendall sank down into one of the seats in the front row, kicking James in the shin. "Explain to me why you would kiss Logan. You barely even know the guy. Of course he was going to freak out!"

James sighed heavily, jumping up onto the stage. "Why does anybody do anything, Kendall? If people 'thought about possible consequences,' then nothing would ever get done! Yes, I may have been 'out of line' and 'jumped the gun,' but Kendall! I don't understand why—so don't ask me—but I really like Logan. And I have a feeling that if I can dig a little deeper, Logan can grow to like me, too."

Closing his eyes, Kendall leaned forward and clasped his together. "I get that, James. I really do. But you know that Logan is very antisocial. Not used to interaction with anybody other than Carlos and Camille. And then enter James Diamond, most talented kid at Juilliard, son of the assistant dean. And you tried to get his attention. You didn't ease into it. And then you _kiss _him, James." Kendall explained, running a hand through his blonde hair.

Squatting at the knees, James stared at Kendall. "Two things: I'm fully aware that Logan is antisocial. Two: It's slightly pathetic, yet extremely…endearing."

"That doesn't mean you kiss the guy!"

James rolled his hazel eyes, looking down at his shoes. "I get that what I did wasn't exactly the smartest thing I've ever done. But he was so close to me, and _fuck, _when he gets mad…his face gets all red and his breathing gets heavier. It was all very overwhelming, Kendall. Just understand that. You know that I have no self-control. He was there, I was there, and I felt the need to kiss him." James shrugged, eyes carefully guarded. "So I kissed him."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, James. You pretty much screwed yourself this time. All those other instances where you just barely pushed the limit were fixable; this time? Not so much." Kendall rose to his feet, grabbing his bag from off the floor. "Now, I need to get back to my rehearsal. Me and Jennifer have our duet test in two days, and we are not prepared."

James jumped off the edge of the stage, snagging the sleeve of Kendall's plaid button-up. "Kendall, no! You're the plan guy! You need to help me!" He cried pathetically.

Rolling his eyes, Kendall pulled his arm away and fixed the cuff of his sleeve. "James, you screwed yourself, and this time, I really don't have a solution for you. I suggest just talking to him, explaining yourself. You may have to actually apologize to the guy. But I really have to go. Let me know how everything goes." Patting James on the shoulder, he turned around and headed toward the doors quickly.

"Fuck you, Kendall." The brunette muttered under his breath, stuffing his fists in his pockets. "Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on." He grabbed his bag from the floor, slinging it over his shoulder and walking up the skinny aisle. James had the door open three inches before he spotted Carlos and Logan down the hallway, Logan pinning Carlos to the wall. Interest perked inside the brunette, and he silently slipped out of the theater and pressed himself flat against the wall.

"Logan! God, get a grip, man!" James watched Carlos grip Logan's wrists in attempt to free himself. "I didn't tell you because James made me swear not to, and Kendall made Camille do the same!" James winced at Carlos' words, silently cursing the big-mouthed Latino. _Fuck you, Carlos. Ruin everything, why don't you?_

"Camille knows about this?" Logan cried out, getting closer to Carlos' face.

Carlos sighed, chest puffing out. "Yes, Logan. James sent Kendall to talk to Camille, and he talked to me. He just wants to get to know you, Logie. If I were you, I would feel pretty damn special." _What are you trying to do, Carlos? _

Logan scoffed as he freed his friend. Crossing his skinny arms across his chest, he rose an eyebrow. James leaned forward just a little bit. "Special? Why should I feel special?" James sighed silently. _Oh, Logan. If you only knew how special you are to me._

Carlos took a deep breath through his nose before opening his mouth. "In the two years we've been at Juilliard, have you ever seen James with someone—besides Kendall? No. James is incredibly focused on his career. He doesn't let things distract him. But somehow, for some reason, he let you get under his skin. And now he's focused on you, Logan. You could at least let him explain himself before you completely decide you hate the guy."

James' mouth dropped open. _Damn, Carlos. Didn't know you could get that. Hope Logan actually listens to you._

Being so engrossed in his own thoughts, James hadn't realized that Carlos was still talking. "…that she'll want to know what happened. But first, try to calm down."

James felt his heart crack at the broken expression on Logan's face as the scrawny brunette sunk to the floor, head dropping. "Thanks, Carlos. I'm sorry I freaked out at you. You didn't do anything wrong." James could tell that the brunette was holding back a bout of tears that he knew would eventually come.

Carlos stared down at his friend, sadness written all over his face. "Logan?"

James watched Logan lift his head to look at his friend. "Yeah?"

"No matter what happens, just remember that we all love you."

"I know, Carlos. Thanks." James watched Carlos walk away as Logan completely broke down. His head was buried in his arms, knees pulled up to his chest. The small frame was moving with the heavy sobs that racked his entire body, gasping and shaking. Concern and heartbreak ripped through James as he moved—as if on autopilot—towards the distraught boy. Silently moving down to sit beside Logan, James debated whether or not to comfort the other of his presence.

His heart won. James slowly scooted a little closer to Logan, wrapping his arms awkwardly around him. Logan was sobbing so hard that he didn't even notice the limbs that were now encasing him, despite the fact that he automatically curled into James' embrace. Sighing happily, James breathed in Logan's scent and pressed a light kiss to the top of his dark brown hair. "Shh, shhh. It'll be okay. You'll be okay, Logan. I'm here." James murmured softly, running his hands up and down Logan's back. He could feel salty tears staining his soft shirt, and oddly, he didn't care about the expensive fabric getting ruined.

Logan inhaled a shaky breath, pressing his face further into James' chest despite the protests his brain was screaming at him. "I'm not gay, James. I'm not gay. I swear to God, I'm not gay. I d-don't get wh-why…"

"No one said you were gay, Logan. And look, I'm truly, truly sorry that I kissed you. It was out of line, and I'm really sorry." James apologized quietly, pressing another kiss to the top of Logan's head. Logan pulled away slightly, looking up into James' eyes. The shaggy-haired performer felt like someone had taken a wrecking ball to his heart when he glanced down at Logan. Eyes red and puffy, tear stains all the way down his cheeks, mouth hanging open slightly…James wanted to take all the pain and sadness that Logan was feeling and beat it to a pulp. "And what don't you get?"

"Why you're s-s-so interested in m-me." A few stray tears leaked out of his eyes and raced down the left side of his face. He buried his face in the crook of James' shoulder, face burning with embarrassment. He was acting so pathetic, and it was mortifying the hell out of him. He had no desire to break down in front of the man who was confusing him so much. None at all. _Then why am I still letting him hold me? And why am I enjoying it? God, he smells really good and his skin is really soft and his eyes-oh shit, he's talking. _

"…maybe it's because I don't know anything about you, but I know that you're extremely talented. I just want to know why you're shy, and haven't participated in any of Juilliard's past productions. You have so much potential, Logan. I don't want to see it go to waste." James explained, running his slender fingers through Logan's hair comfortingly.

Logan pulled his head away, staring into James' eyes. "James…you have really pretty eyes."

"W-what?" James asked in a hushed tone, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth. Logan slowly raised his hand up, running his hand down the plane of James' cheek.

"You just h-have really pretty eyes. They're really…really green." Logan breathed out, moving in closer to James. Their breath mingled in the small space between them, eyes locked together. Logan brought his hand up to tangle it in the hair at the nape of James' neck, using it as leverage to bring the other's head closer to his.

James watched, eyes wide, as Logan's tongue darted out to wet his lips, heart pounding in his chest. _Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, __**oh God. **__He's really going to do this. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Logan. Please. You have control here. Just one more inch, keep moving, pleasepleaseplease don't back away. Please don't freak out. I need this so badly, please. I will get down on my knees and beg you if I have to and please just do it—_

_ Oh._ Logan had closed the distance between him and James, pressing their lips together in the softest way possible. James felt his stomach perform intricate flips and somehow launch itself into his throat. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears at the feel of Logan's lips against his own. James allowed his eyes to slip shut as he began to beg for Logan to open his mouth. He felt Logan tighten his grip on his hair as he slowly, hesitantly fulfilled James' request.

Logan was sinking, floating, flying, and drowning in the kiss. His lips were on fire, his heart pounding in his chest, his stomach curling in on itself. Mind currently shut down and all voices of logic tuned out, Logan slowly got more and more into the kiss, sighing at the feel of James' tongue exploring his mouth. "James…" He moaned softly, crawling further onto James' lap.

"Logan." James sighed in return, tightening his arms around his partner instinctively. Their tongues danced together smoothly as their hands began to explore chests, arms, torsos. James managed to snake his hands under Logan's shirt, fingers dancing across Logan's toned stomach, eliciting delightful moans from the smaller boy.

"Oh-oh God, James. Please, please." Logan chanted against James' lips, hands running up and down James' toned arms. James lowered himself down into a laying position, Logan immediately adjusting his position on top. Toying with the brown leather belt that wrapped around Logan's waist, James broke the kiss and began to pepper kisses across his chin and neck. He felt Logan dig his hands into his shoulders, urging him further.

James had to ask. "Is this okay?" He asked, glancing up at Logan hesitantly.

And that's what broke the haze that Logan had allowed himself to be put in. His brain registered what was actually going on, and it hit him all at once. All but flying off of James, he pressed himself against the wall, body shaking, hands tangled in his hair, eyes bugged out.

"No, no, no."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: I UPDATED EARLIER THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD BE ABLE TO! Gah, that makes me so happy! But yeah. I took my mass comm test today (I think I did okay), so now school pressure is a little lighter. Hopefully I'll have another update up by the weekend :) And I'm SO GLAD that everyone is enjoying this :) Your reviews help keep me motivated to keep writing! Thank you! And as always, enjoy :)

...

Slowly sitting up, James stared at the shaky boy before him, nerves still slightly fried from the intense kiss that had just occured. He took a deep breath before adjusting his shirt and smoothing down his hair. "What's wrong?"

Logan simply shook his head, looking away from James. "I shouldn't have done that."

James ran a hand over his face and groaned silently. That had been one of the best kisses of his life, and the person he absolutely adored regretted it. "Because you're not gay." James said softly, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He watched Logan slowly drop his head down, exposing his slender neck. James felt a rush of lust rocket through his body, but he did his best to tame it. _He's hurting. He's struggling. It wouldn't be a good idea to jump him while he's in the middle of a panic attack._

"I'm not g-gay, James. I _c-can't _be. Because if I am, that would mean that _she _was right all along; I can't let her be r-r-right." Logan forced out, voice weak and muffled. James could hear the tears that thickened his words as he moved slightly closer to the broken brunette. He gently placed a hand on Logan's shoulder, biting his lip when he flinched away from his touch. "Don't touch me, James." Logan said, somehow conveying a sense of sterness beneath his small words. "I need time to figure everything out. I almost let you take off my pants! We're in a fucking hallway!"

"I bet talking about it with someone would help."

Logan shook his head minutely. "No. Carlos and Camille already know the whole story, and they both say I should just accept who I am. They say they wouldn't care."

"I wasnt talking about Carlos and Camille. You could try talking to a different person."

Lifting his head to scoff at the hazel-eyed actor, Logan shook his head once more. "And who should I talk to? _You? _That's not going to happen." James sighed softly at Logan's statement, running a hand over the top of his back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He took it as a good sign when Logan didn't move away.

"I wasn't talking about me. I bet Kendall wouldn't mind talking to you. He's the best listener I know." James suggested.

"I-I wouldn't want to bother him...I mean, I'm sure he's busy with his own life, and more than likely doesn't care about my problems." Logan said, quickly wiping away a tear that had escaped and was now running down his cheek. "I've never talked to him before in my life."

"That's the awesome thing about Kendall. He has this way about him that makes everyone feel safe. I can't really explain it. But you shouldn't have any trouble opening up to him." James placed his other hand on top of Logan's knee. "He won't mind. He doesn't have any classes this afternoon." He took note of the hesitance that was written all over Logan's face. "How about you meet him outside of Rose around 4:00, okay?"

Logan inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and biting his lower lip. "O-okay. Fine. I can't promise it'll change anything, though." He said quietly, unconciously leaning into James' touch.

James retrieved his phone from his back pocket, silently cursing when he noticed the time. "Uh, Logan? I have to get to my general biology class. Promise me you'll go meet with Kendall?" He saidn removing his hands from Logan, even though he instantly wished he hadn't. James stood and extended a hand to Logan, who hesitated slightly before gripping it and standing as well.

"I promise I'll go." Logan murmured, shoving his fists in his vest pockets, face flushed bright red. "Th-thanks, James."

"For what?"

"For everything, I guess. For making me feel special. I don't know. Just forget I said anything."

"Logan?" James placed a finger under Logan's chin, lifting the boy's gaze to meet his own.

"Yes?"

James leaned forward, pressing his lips to Logan's as softly as he could. Logan stiffened slightly before he wrapped his arms around James neck and slowly began to kiss him back. James threaded his slender fingers through Logan's short hair, tugging lightly and coaxing the boy's mouth open with his tongue. The kiss continued for a full thirty seconds more before each pulled away unwillingly, panting for air. Their foreheads rested together, eyes locked on each other's. "Logan..." James breathed out, running a hand down the side of the addressed's face. Logan bit his lip, breaking out of the embrace and reaching for his belongings.

"See you in class, James." The soft-spoken performer stared at James for a moment before turning away. "I promise I'll meet with Kendall." And with that, Logan began to walk away. James released the breath that he didn't even know he had been holding, lifting a finger to his lips. He smiled slightly, pulling out his phone once more and placing a call to Kendall.

"_What now, James?" _Kendall picked up, tone conveying extreme annoyance.

"What are you doing this afternoon around 4:00?"

"_Ugh, why?"_

_"_I need you to go meet Logan and Rose and get him to spill his guts to you."

...

Logan paced back and forth between the glass entrance to Rose Commons, wringing his hands together in anticipation. He had no idea why he let James convince him to meet with Kendall, because Logan really sucked at talking to people-excluding Carlos and Camille.

_What is wrong with me? God, it's like my brain disappeared moved from my skull to my ass. I'm not gay! James just needs to get that through __**his **__thick skull and then everything will go back to normal. I'll go back to being just another antisocial, irrelevant student, and he'll go back to being...James Diamond. Damn. I made out with James fucking Diamond. Holyshitholyshitholyshit. I iniated a make out session with James Diamond, and I actually __**enjoyed **__it. That's not acceptable at all. It just-it just isn't. I have to just forget James Diamond and his beautiful-as-fuck eyes, the way his hair slipped in between my fingers, the way his lips moved against mine-God! I have to stop thinking shit like that. That's what got us into this mess in the first place._

The sound of sneakers hitting concrete pulled Logan from his inner musings, causing him to jump slightly at the sight of the Kendall Knight. Logan had never really interacted with Kendall before, but after taking in the blonde's green plaid button-up, faded skinny jeans, green Vans, and black beanie, he concluded that Kendall didn't look too intimidating.

"Hey, Logan. How you doing?" Kendall asked, patting the brunette on the back. A genuine smile played on Kendall's face, electric green eyes staring right at Logan.

Logan ran a hand through his hair, looking down at the ground. "I'm fine." _Liar._

Kendall smirked, pushing the door open and motioning for Logan to walk inside. "Logan, James told me what happened. And I'm sure he already apologized, but I feel obligated to apologize for his ass-like qualities, as well. James is...compulsive. He takes what he wants. And I know that's no excuse for what he did, but just know that he really doe-"

"I kissed James!" Logan interrupted Kendall, slapping a hand over his mouth the instant the words escaped him. Kendall's eyes widened, surprise apparent on his face.

"Wha...what? James told me that he kissed you after he spied on you..." One of Kendall's insane eyebrows rose comically as he moved to the nearest table. He dropped his bag on the floor before sinking down onto the cushioned chair.

Logan sat down on the chair opposite Kendall, burying his face in his hands. _Why, why, why, why do i have to be so stupid? What is it about these people that makes my brain completely shut down? Fuck..."_Well, y-yeah, James k-kissed me in the auditorium. But then out in the-the hall after I...t-talked to Carlos, he came and he was just so nice me. And then I kissed him." Logan lifted his head for a second, taking in how shocked Kendall looked. _Guess James didn't tell you everything, huh?_

"Okay, then. Um, wow. Wasn't expecting to hear that." Kendall blinked rapidly before leaning back, hands linked behind his head. "So...what happened after that?"

Logan took a deep breath, glancing to the left in effort to avoid eye contact. "Well, James tried to take off m-my pants." He noticed Kendall open his mouth so he quickly held a hand up to stop him from speaking. "It wasn't like that. Well, I g-guess it kind of was, but he asked me if it was okay before he actually did-did anything. It was right then that I freaked out."

Kendall blew out a sigh, leaning forward. "Why do you think you freaked out?" His voice was quiet, gentle, safe. Logan drew his bottom lip in between his teeth, gnawing compulsively, hoping that wasn't blood he was tasting.

"I...Kendall, I'm not gay."

Raising an eyebrow once more, Kendall stared at Logan. "Is it that you aren't gay, or that you don't want to be?"

Logan shoved a hand into his dark hair, pulling slightly, reminding him of James instantly. He sighed when he felt his heart ache and his lips tingle from the memory. "I _can't _be gay, Kendall! I refuse to let her be right!"

"Who?"

_Shit. Fuck. Shitshitshit. I'm so fucking stupid all the fucking time. He's not going to let me get away with not explaining myself. Fucking dammit. _Taking in a shaky breath, Logan began to spill his guts. "When I was in seventh gr-grade, there was this girl, Cassie Reynolds. She was the most popular, most beautiful girl out of everyone in our middle school. She was a year older than me, so when she asked me out on a d-date, I was quick to agree."

Kendall nodded, motioning for him to continue. "Keep going."

Logan took a deep breath, trying to control the waver that was affecting his voice. "Um, so we had been dating for almost three weeks when she...when she met Trevor Wright. He was a football player at the high school two towns over. She t-told me that they were just f-friends...but th-then Carlos told me that he saw them making out behind the 7-11 right down the road from my house."

"Sounds like she was quite the bitch."

A short bark of laughter escaped Logan. "Oh, she was. But anyway, I went over to her house to confront her about it, but somehow she already knew that I knew. She met me at the door, telling me she was breaking up with me."

Kendall adjusted his beanie before looking at Logan with sympathetic eyes. "Let me guess. She told you were gay, and that's why she was breaking up with you."

Logan nodded, feeling despair rising within him. "Yeah. She said she figured out I was gay-even though I had never done anything to make her think that-and that she couldn't go out with someone who likes d-dick as much as she did. And if she would've left it at that, I probably wouldn't be this messed up. But she just _had _to take it one step further and tell our entire school, the high school, and my entire family. My mom said that she didn't believe her, but my grandparent's did for a while, and those few months were absolute hell. I wasn't allowed to be in the same room as my male cousins at family events, my grandfather made me get tested for STDs, and everyone in school-excluding Carlos and Camille-avoided me like the plague."

"That's horrible!"

"It eventually got better. I pretended to date Camille for a while to get everyone off my back, and it actually worked, but that's what caused the anti-socialness to set in. I didn't really interact with anybody else after that, never dated anyone else. Cassie messed me up, Kendall." Logan quickly wiped away a tear that was rolling down his cheek, looking at Kendall across the table.

Kendall nodded his head, streching his arm across the table to pat Logan on the shoulder comfortingly. "I can tell. But Cassie's out of your life now. You're free to be whoever you want to be."

Logan shook his head fiercely. "No. I can't. Because if I was gay, then she's still right, no matter where she is. I _know_ that probably sounds fucked up, but it's hard to explain." _Oh, God. I can't believe I just told him all that. I haven't talked about that for years...oh, God. He knows. He's going to tell James. Shitshitshit. _"Kendall, promise me you won't repeat any of this to James."

Jokingly crossing his fingers over his chest, Kendall smiled sadly. "I promise. But tell me something. Did you like it when James kissed you?"

Logan gulped audibly, wringing his hands together. "Umm...it wasn't completely unenjoyable."

"So you liked it." Kendall said, matter-of-factly.

Logan felt any ounce of fight he had in him drain from his body. "Okay, yes. I enjoyed it. Actually, more than enjoyed it. I adored it. I would do anything to kiss him again, because he's absolutely incredible and his lips are just right and he somehow magically knows what makes me shudder. The three kisses I had with him were the best things I've every experienced in my entire life. Happy?"

Somewhere in the middle of Logan's rant, Kendall's mouth had dropped open in pure shock. "Uh...y-yeah. I'm sorry, _three _kisses?"

"Oh, uh...yeah. Right before James had to go to his biology class, he kissed me again. And it was completely and totally perfect." Logan swooned, dropping his head onto the table. "I don't know what to do, Kendall. Despite everything that happened when i was younger, I'm actually starting to fall for James. And it's scaring the hell out of me because I want it to happen so badly, yet at the same time I don't want to admit that I'm gay."

Kendall nodded understandingly, propping his elbow up on the table and resting his chin on the palm of his hand. "I get that, Logan. But keep in mind that James _really _likes you, and I know for a fact that James has not fallen this hard for someone since we were in high school. And his dad is _extremely _homophobic, but for the first time, James feels like he doesn't need his dad's approval this time." Kendall leaned closer to Logan. "And, truthfully? I think you'd be good for him."

"How?" Logan asked, mind totally boggled.

"You're crazy talented. In some ways, more talented than even James. Ah-ah-ah!" Kendal held up a finger when Logan began to protest. "I think that any type of relationship with you-be it romantic, or strictly friends-would takes James' ego down a few pegs. I know that I'm his best friend, but sometimes I really just want to punch him right in the mouth." Kendall laughed, reaching into his jacket pocket, digging around for his iPod while looking directly at Logan. "So. You feeling a little better about everything?"

Logan sighed heavily, rubbing at his eyes. "Uh...you definately gave me some more stuff to think about."

"So, what do you want me to tell James?" Kendall asked, rising from the table, lanky frame hovering over Logan. Logan scratched absently at his neck, contemplating his options. _Have him tell James everything, and risk him making fun of me? No thanks. _

"Um. Just t-tell James that I'm going to need some time to think. Tell him we'll talk in c-class."

The blonde nodded, lifting his bag from off the floor. "Sounds good. See ya later, Logan." He turned to walk away.

"Thanks, Kendall." Logan said, loud enough for Kendall to hear. Then a second thought hit him. "And Kendall?"

Kendall turned around, eyebrow raised. "Yeah, Logan?"

"I swear to God, if you tell James _anything _about Cassie, I will send Carlos to kick your ass." Logan tried his best to be intimidating, but Kendall saw right through it.

Fighting off a smile, he nodded and rose two fingers to his forehead in a salute. "Got it, Mr. Mitchell."


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: BOOM. So, there's like, no Jagan interaction in this one. BUT I PROMISE THERE WILL BE LOTS OF IT NEXT CHAPTER! Anyway, nothing else to say. As always, enjoy :)

"Tell me everything, tell me everything, tell me everything!" James chanted, tugging on Kendall's shirt sleeve as they made the short walk from campus to James' house. Kendall rolled his eyes, waving his arm around in the air until his annoyingly persistant friend released his grip.

"I already told you, James. Logan swore me to secrecy. He told me to tell you that he'd talk to you in class tomorrow, though." The blonde shook his head when he saw James' infamous pout begin to form. "No, no, no. Logan told me some pretty deep stuff, and made me promise not to tell you. I really don't think it would be beneficial to any future relationship you might have with him if you didn't respect his wishes, James."

"But I wanna know!" James whined, gripping the strap of his bag tightly. "Can you at least give me a hint as to why he's so afraid of being gay?" He asked hopefully, hazel eyes alight with excitement.

Kendall shook his head once more as he held his beanie down so it wouldn't blow away with the wind. "Why are you afraid of coming out to your father?" Kendall retorted, stepping from the sidewalk to the Diamond's perfectly manicured lawn.

James huffed in annoyance. "No, don't turn this around on me. That's not fair, Kendall!" He slapped the blonde's upper arm. "You know that my dad hates gays."

"Exactly. Maybe Logan's family doesn't like gays, and he wouldn't want to be treated differently if he were to come out." Fearing he already said too much, Kendall began picking at his tumb nail, studying it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He slid his gaze over to James, who was eyeing him suspiciously.

"Was that a hint? Oh, oh, oh. Let me guess. Logan's dad is secretly gay, so he tries to mask it by hating on-"

"James! If you have any respect for Logan at all, you'll let _him_ explain everything. Trust me, it'll be worth it." Kendall rested his hand on the doorknob, waiting to open the front door of the Diamond residence. _Don't want Brooke or Seth accidentally overhearing anything. James would kill me._

James narrowed his eyes, his lower lip sticking out in another overly dramatic pout. He drew his lower lip in between his perfectly white teeth. "Kendall, this is not fair. I sent you to talk to Logan for a reason. I _need _to understand why he's so afraid. It's killing me, Kendall."

The tortured expression on James' face was almost enough to break Kendall's willpower, but he tried his best to get a handle on his resolve. "Yes, I understand that. But he was dead serious, James. You know that if it wasn't for that, I would totally tell you everything."

"Still not fair."

Kendall twisted his wrist, pulling the oak door open and revealing an impossibly clean entryway. "Goddammit, James. Why the hell do I even put up with you?" He asked rhetorically, sliding his gray Vans off his feet and neatly setting them under the coat rack.

"Because I'm pretty much the most amazing person you've ever met?" James smirked cockily, repeating Kendall's action. He hung his bag on the small, gold-plated hook beside the closet and started to walk up the short flight of stairs. "And don't even try to deny it, man. You've never met anyone like me."

Rolling his eyes, Kendall trailed behind his best friend, smacking him on the shoulder. "Shut the hell up." He laughed, sidestepping James and entering the enormous kitchen.

"Hey, check the fridge; I think we might have some leftover pie from my dad's birthday last weekend." James ordered, leaning over the edge of the marble island. Kendall peered over his shoulder at his gutsy friend.

"_I _don't want pie. If you want some, you can get it."

"Ugh. Fine."

"Hey, did Professor Rivera fill out a recommendation form for you?" Kendall asked, opening the cupboard above his head and pulling out a tall glass. Pulling a bottle of root beer out of the fridge, he filled the cup halfway. "Yeah, there's pie." He muttered absently.

James rose to his feet, hands gripping a shiny fork. "Yep. Rivera wrote a recommendation for me...but he kind of got me thinking." He grabbed the chilled pie out out of the refrigerator and sat back down. Not even bothering with any sort of dish, he peeled back the SaranWrap and began to drown his sorrows in banana cream deliciousness.

"I didn't know you had the brain capacity TO think."

Mouth full, James lifted his head long enough to scowl at the sarcastic music major. "Shut up." His words came out garbled due to the obscene amounts of whipped cream in the way.

Kendall burst out laughing. "Whatever you say, James." He pulled a packet of donut holes out of the large pantry. Ripping it open with his teeth, he looked over at James. "What did Rivera say that made you start thinking?" Kendall quickly shoved the powder-covered ball in his mouth.

"Well, lets see: He agreed with me that Logan is really, really talented and that it's a wonder why he hasn't auditioned for anything before. But then he said that he can actually see Logan getting cast Fieryo. Fieryo is _my _dream role, Kendall. _Mine." _James felt his face heat up with frusteration and anger. "Yes, Logan is fantastic, and he probably would make a damn good Fieryo. But I have worked my fucking ass off to make it this far, you know? He's been in _one _production, a small-town performance of Annie. I have been studying under the best vocal, dance, and acting coaches since I was old enough to know that performing is what I want to do with my life."

Swallowing audibly, Kendall cleared his throat. "So...what you're trying to say is that you're kind of regretting getting Rivera to help you?"

James flushed an even deeper red. "I know, it's horrible. I really do like Logan, and I want him to get a lot of experiance. But tell me this, Kendall. Wouldn't Logan make a much better Boq or Dr. Dillamond?"

"I guess. But think about how well he performs Dancing Through Life." Kendall pointed out. "And, James? If Logan does get the part you want, you won't hold it against him or get pissed off. Because he's actually considering ignoring everything that happened to him when he was younger to be with you."

"And what happened when he was younger?" James asked, trying to mask the sly grin playing on his face.

Kendall slammed his hands on the countertop. "Dammit, James! I'm not going to tell you!"

"You're not going to tell him what?" James' head snapped toward the double doors that lead to the living room, eyes landing on his mother. Brooke Diamond stood still, eyebrow raised, hands planted on her slim hips. "You're not going to tell him what, Kendall?" She repeated, moving to stand behind her son.

_Shit. _"Uh...um, uh...James is, uh, wondering what the answer to one of the questions on our, um, Music Through the Ages take-home test." Kendall improvised, praying to God that Brooke hadn't noticed the quiver to his voice.

Brooke pursed her lips and swatted her son on the top of his head.

"Mom!" James whined, rubbing the tender area before fixing his ruffled hair.

"James, you know how your father and I feel about you cheating." Brooke scolded, resting her hands on James' shoulders.

Rolling his eyes, James sighed and went along with the charade. "But I'm not even a music major! Why do I need to know what type of music Colombus listened to on his way to America?" He said, mentally slapping himself at the weak lie. Kendall looked at him with an obvious What-The-Fuck-Are-You-Talking-About look on his face. James subtely shook his head.

"It'll all help you in your career, James. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go scream at some lab technicians who botched an entire vat of moisturizer this morning." Brooke patted her son on the head, turning to leave. "And, Kendall? Don't allow James to cheat."

Kendall laughed and nodded his head. "Got it, Brooke."

As soon as the intimidating CEO had left the room, Kendall smacked James on the shoulder. "Colombus? Really, James? That's the best you could come up with?"

"I don't even have that class, Kendall! You couldn't have given me a class that I actually take?" James hissed as he shoved more pie into his mouth. Kendall rolled his eyes and scarfed down another doughnut. "What were we even talking about?"

"I don't remember. I'm guessing it was something about Logan. He's all you ever talk about anymore." Kendall teased, pulling his beanie off of his head and running a hand through his shaggy hair.

James poked Kendall's cheek. "Awww...is someone jealous of Logan?" He cooed in a voice that he usually reserved for babies.

"Fuck off, James." Kendall smacked James' shoulder once more, fighting the smile that was slowly growing on his face. "Don't you have an audition to prepare for?" At Kendall's words, James' fork clattered to the countertop and his stool tipped backward as the brunette jumped out of his seat.

"Oh my God! Yeah, auditions are only 10 days away. Kendall, I need your help choosing and preparing a song that would showcase my potential as Fieryo. But I can't sing Dancing Through Life or As Long As Your Mine. Everyone will be doing that, and it'll just make them look desperate for that one role. I need a song that conveys the message that I'd be fine with anhy role they give me."

"...but you're not okay with any role they give you..." Kendall pointed out, following James out of the kitchen and up the spiral staircase. "You and I both know that you will throw a fit if you don't get cast as Fieryo. Don't even try to deny it."

James looked over his shoulder, lips pursed. "Okay. Maybe just a little. That's why I need help picking a killer audition song."

"What are you going to do if Logan gets cast as Fieryo?"

Biting his lower lips, James stopped outside his bedroom door and stared at Kendall. "I have no idea, Kendall. All I know is that I have to focus on kicking ass at this audition."

...

Logan was laying on his bed, head smashed into his pillow when Carlos and Camille came barrelling into the room. He groaned, shoving his face further into the black fabric. "Go away, you guys. I need to think." He snapped, voice muffled. Carlos ignored him, sitting down at the foot of the bed and taking his rainbow hipster glasses off his face. He reached for Camille's hand and pulled her onto his lap.

"Thinking about James?" The actress asked softly, leaning her head on Carlos' shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her thin waist.

"Mmmhmm. Kendall talked to me." Logan rolled over and sat up, clinging to his pillow like a lifeline. He raised an eyebrow at his friends' positions, and jumped on the chance for a subject change. "Since when do you sit on Carlos' lap, Camille?" He asked as he grabbed the small bottle of ibuprofen that was laying on his nightstand. After an hour and a half of hard-core sobbing, Logan could feel a painful headache lurking at the back of his skull.

Camille shook her head. "No. No subject changes. We are here to talk about what the hell is going on with you and James. And why didn't you tell us that you talked to Kendall?" She screeched, throwing a hard punch to his knee.

"What did Kendall say?" Carlos asked as he ran his hand over the plane of Camille's upper back in effort to calm her down.

"Well, James set up the whole thing. You know, after he kissed me in the hallway of McClelland."

"WHAT?!" Carlos and Camille yelled in unison, mouths dropping open.

"I thought that James kissed you _in _the theater!" Carlos exclaimed, eyes wide with shock.

Camille let out a pathetic whine. "I didn't know James kissed you at all!" She leaned in closer to Logan. "How was it? Was it magical? I bet he's a really good kisser. Oh my God, Logan! You're so lucky! Any girl would _kill _to be you." Camille flailed her hands around excitedly. "I demand details right here, right now."

"Uh...well. After my talk with you guys in Rose, I headed over to McClelland to let off some steam. I had just finished singing a song when I realized that James had been there watching me the entire time. I kind of freaked out at him just a little-"

Carlos scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Please. You should've seen him, Cam. He was _fuming." _

Logan glared at the interruption. "Anyways, I was kind of in the middle of a rant when James kissed me." Camille emitted a loud, high-pitched squeal and brought her hands up to her face. "I didn't really respond to the kiss, because I was in so much shock. But then when he finished...I may or may not have slapped him."

Camille's eyes widened even more as she leaned forward and smacked Logan across the face. "What the hell, Camille?" He asked as he pressed a hand to his stinging cheek. Carlos watched the entire exchange and roared with laughter.

"You totally deserved that man." Carlos pointed out, resting his chin on Camille's shoulder. She turned to face him, a small smile playing on her face as she pecked him on the lips. Logan rolled his eyes.

"I take it you guys got callbacks?"

"We did!" Camille informed, giving Carlos another sweet kiss. "And it's all thanks to this guy. You should've seen him, Loges. He was absolutely incredible. But really, why in the hell did you slap James?"

"Because he can't just go around kissing anyone he wants to without their permission!" Logan exclaimed, growing more and more frusterated. "Now, either you let me finish my story, or I just won't tell it to you at all."

"Fine." With that, Logan continued his recap, ignoring Camille's squeals and Carlos' smart-ass comments. When he finished, Camille and Carlos were staring at him as if he had sprouted a second head. "What? Is it that hard to believe that I told Kendall about Cassie?"

Carlos shook his head, eyes slipping shut. "No. It's hard to believe that you are so incredibly stupid. It's blatantly obvious that James has a thing for you! And you feel the same way! Just get together already!" Carlos said, running a hand through Camille's hair. Logan pointed at the duo and tried to word his next sentences correctly.

"I could say the same about you and Camille! You're not fooling anyone when you say that the only reason why you two act like a couple is for auditions. It's painfully obvious that you two are crazy about each other! Sometimes, I just want to grab both your heads, and force you two to kiss. Get over your lame excuses and just start dating already!" Logan exclaimed, ignoring is friends' shocked expressions. "You two make such a cute couple. I just want my two best friends to be happy. I mean, when I see the way you two look at each other, I can tell that there's something deeper between you guys. Just take that step."

Camille turned her head, looking directly into Carlos' eyes. Quivering, she ran her hand down the side of his face. "Carlos?" She asked softly, eyes filled with hesitation.

The Latino threaded his hands in Camille's messy hair, drawing her head closer to his. Resting their foreheads together, he exhaled shakily. "Camille, you're all I've ever wanted." He said tenderly, pressing his lips to Camille's in the most tentative fashion. Logan heard Camille sigh happily as she began to return the kiss. Averting his gaze, Logan waited patiently for the new couple to finish their first official moment.

"See? You two are adorable."

Camille smiled brilliantly, wrapping herself around Carlos. "Yeah, well. You and James would make a pretty cute couple, too."

"Yeah." Carlos chimed in. "Get over your lame excuses and just start dating already." He threw Logan's words back at him, openly laughing at Logan's scowl.

"I told Kendall to tell James that I would think about it and talk to him in Neilson's class tomorrow. Now, if you'll kindly leave me alone, I would like to resume thinking about whether I want to ruin my entire life or not." Logan smiled weakly at his two friends. "Go be a sickeningly sweet couple somewhere else."

Camille giggled, rising from Carlos' lap but never releasing his hand. "We will definitely go do that." She patted Logan on the shoulder. "Take a leap of faith, Logan. I really think dating James would do you some good. Just consider it, okay?" Logan nodded, picking at a frayed edge of the throw blanket that lay beneath him.

"We'll love you no matter what, man. Don't let some bitch from your past hold you back from achieving true happiness." Carlos said, wrapping his arm around Camille's waist possessively. She grinned, pecking him on the cheek.

"Aww. My boyfriend knows how to get deep." She cooed, picking up her jacket from Logan's desk. "Let us know what you decide to do, okay?"

Logan nodded. "I will do that. Have fun you guys." He felt his heart swell at the sight of his two friends so obviously in love, feeling a twinge of jealousy. _I want that. I want someone to hold me, kiss me, appreciate me. James seems like he'd make an excellent boyfriend...and I do really like him a lot. And dammit, those kisses...to be able to have that whenever I want? That would be simply amazing._

_But is it worth the risk?_


	12. Chapter 12

/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All

A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P

A/N: So, Ff is being stupid and won't let me reply to any reviews, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your support! Your reviews mean the world to me, and they truly help me keep writing.n i'm so happy you're all enjoying this! This chapter is probably my favorite one so far...you'll see why! As always, enjoy :)

It was 2:30 in the morning, and Logan's mind was still hard at work. His inner analytical, indecisive nerd had decided to make an appearance around 11:45, and it refused to go sleep. Logan had made pro/con list after pro/con list, outlining the ups and downs to consorting with James Diamond. As soon as he thought he had made his decision, his overactive brain would choose to jump in and point something out that countered his previous train of thought.

_It was driving him insane. _He refused to call Carlos or Camille because he already knew what they were going to say, and because he was certain that they were doing something disgustingly cheesy, as most new couples do.

Logan always complicated things. It was one of his major flaws, right alongside anxiety, antisocialness, and a complete lack of street smarts. _Making a decision should NOT be this difficult for me. God, I can actually feel the pressure in my brain increasing by the second. It's going to end up exploding. Carlos will come into my room tomorrow to check on me and he'll find me slumped against my desk, hole in the back of my skull, brain matter splattered on the walls. _He felt his stomach churn rapidly. _Okay...too graphic of a visual._

Rubbing his temples with his fingertips, Logan emitted a pathetic whimper and dropped his pencil to the floor. _I'm going to end up giving myself an aneursym at the rate I'm going. Stupid James. I blame all future brain damage on him. _The frusterated brunette rested his head on the paper-covered surface of the desk, red ink sticking out and and instantly catching his eye like sore thumb. He grabbed at the small slip of written-on white and studied it. One of his numerous lists, stating reasons why James would make a good boyfriend.

This particular sheet spoke only of physical upsides. Logan felt his heart start racing as he began to read. _Lips that fit perfectly with mine. Electrifying touch that rocks me to my core. Deep hazel eyes I would happily, willingly drown in. Hypnotizing smile that captivates me instantaneously. Silky hair that begs for me to run my fingers through it. Strong arms that make me feel safe and wanted. _

Shaking his head and gulping loudly, Logan crumpled the list and ran his hands through his short hair. "I can't do this. I can't do this. It's too much." He mumbled almost incoherently, gnawing on his lower lip. His mind continued racing, sending a million thoughts through his head.

_Taptaptaptap. _A rapid knock on his first floor dorm room window pulled him from his musings while a rush of fear ripped through his entire being. Breathing labored, Logan attempted to rationally figure out what was going on. _Not a burglar. Juilliard has too much security for that. Not Carlos or Camille. They're not that stupid. O-oh God. I bet it's that kid from my combat class who looks like he would do anything to kill me. _The tapping persisted as Logan somehow managed to gather the courage to pull back the black curtains. "_James?"_ Logan attempted to sound pissed off at the sight of the brunette, but the name came out as a mixture of shock, awe, and relief. James had his hands lying on the window sill, biting his lip and visibly shivering.

Without thinking, Logan raised the window and stared at James with a helpless expression on his face. "What are you doing? I said I'd talk to you in class tomorrow." He whispered, voice shaky. James looked directly into Logan's eyes, grounding him in his current position. He drew his lip between his teeth once more and exhaled out his nose.

"I couldn't wait till then. Can I please come in? It's fucking cold out here." James begged, rubbing his hands together. Logan actually felt his brain fly past James and escape into the cool night air as he moved to the side. James climbed through the window and fell to the floor. "Ouch." He moaned, rubbing at his side.

Logan rose to his feet and stared down at the other. "James...why are you here?"

"I told you. I couldn't wait for tomorrow afternoon." James held his arm up, wiggling his fingers. "Help me up."

Logan inhaled deeply, grasping James' hand in his own. Despite the obvious chill to the skin, warmth radiated from the simple touch and sent bursts of lightening up his arm. He pulled James to feet, not releasing his hand. Staring at their clasped appendages, Logan fought the urge to look up into those hazel eyes he was growing rather fond of. "I don't understand you, James." He muttered, pale skin heating up to a fierce red.

He heard James swallow and felt his gaze. "I want you, Logan. And I know that you want me, too." He said, voice shaking behind the confident exterior.

Logan shook his head minutely, leading them over to the edge of his bed, hands still laced together. "You don't know me, James." He whispered, slowly lowering himself down onto the blanket-covered surface. James followed suit, allowing himself to sit just a little _too _close for Logan's comfort. Despite the internal screams telling him to _movemovemove-_this was dangerous territory-his heart seemed to dictate his actions. Logan leaned into the solid form beside him and breathed in the heavy, intoxicating scent that was purely James. He felt his senses cloud over the instant he rested his head on the other's forearm.

James ran his free hand through soft, raven-esque locks and tried to form the right words. "I know that you're what I need, Logan. And, frankly? That's enough for me." With that, he placed a finger under Logan's chin and uplifted his head until their eyes locked. He noted the large amounts of fear and hesitation that resided in those chocolate orbs, but also noticed a small glimmer of something entirely different hiding in the irises. He slowly dipped his head down, tenderly pressing his lips against the softness that was Logan. His heart soared up to his throat when he heard Logan emit a small whine from the back of his throat, felt smaller, soft hands glide through his equally soft hair, tasted the sweet flavor of the brunette's lips, smelled Logan's natural, _magnetic _scent.

Lips moved together in perfect sync, a perfect dance, and before long, James was tracing the outline of Logan's lips with his tongue, pleading for entrance. The smaller's hands tangled in the hair at the nape of James' neck as Logan fulfilled the request. Logan moaned softly at the sensation that was brought about when James began exploring the contours of Logan's mouth. Hands started to wander between the two bodies, tracing sensitive muscles and discovering places that made the other twitch with pleasure.

Toying with the hem of James' expensive tee shirt, Logan ran his fingertips softly over the hard muscles that lay beneath, pulling loud, solid moans out of the taller of the two. James gasped into Logan's mouth at the sparks that seemed to be shooting out of Logan's fingers and onto his sensitive skin. He gripped Logan's hips with both hands, slowly inching toward the timid boy's evergrowing bulge. Ghosting the palm of his hand over the straining denim, he internally cheered as Logan jerked into the barely-there touch and released a gutteral sound at the back of his throat that indicated James was doing something _good. _

As soon as James felt Logan's tongue slide past his own for the who-really-cares time, he cupped Logan's bulge, squeezing gently.

Letting out a small, pathetic whimper, Logan felt something inside him snap, broke the kiss, and tried clear his frazzled head. He laid a hand on James' sturdy, muscular, defined, _heaving _chest, softly pushing away. "Stop." Logan managed, not realizing how hard he had been breathing. "W-we need to talk."

James's slowly nodded his head as he began to force the haze of lust away. "Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea." He stared down at Logan, taking in the flushed pink of his cheeks, his messy hair, his chest that was _risingfallingrisingfalling. _He bit his lip, running his hands through his own messed up hair. "Or we could kiss some more."

"No." Logan said weakly, drawing his knees up to his chest. "I really need to talk through this with you. E-everything about it is just so confusing, and my brain doesn't handle confusing well-unless it's homework. I tend to excel at figuring out the imposs-. Feel free to stop my ramblings at any time." He begged, burying his burning face in between his knees. James bit the inside of his cheek, contemplating his next move.

Running a hand along Logan's upper back, James sighed. "Why are you so afraid?" He whispered, leaning down close to the object of his affections. He felt Logan take a deep breath in, whimpering softly as he exhaled. James could feel his own heart pounding in anticipation.

"You're gonna make fun of me." Logan's words came out muffled and James had to strain his ears to even hear the pitiful statement.

"Logan..." James murmured, pressing his lips to the back of Logan's head. "I promise I'm not gonna make fun of you." The dark brunette slowly straightened his back and lifted his gaze to meet James'.

"I really have to tell you?"

James simply nodded, heart swelling at the sight of Logan's rosy cheeks and swollen lips.

Worrying his lip between his top and bottom teeth, Logan began to tell James the entire story about Cassie. James was silent throughout the whole thing, occasionally running his hand through that soft short hair or rubbing absently at Logan's slender, pale neck in the most comforting way he could.

By the time Logan had finished his explanation, James could actually feel him vibrating with nerves. "I'm so sorry that all that happened to you, Logan." He laid his lips on Logan's forehead, holding the kiss for a solid ten seconds. "You didn't deserve any of that to happen to you. You are the most fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, talented, _perfect _person I've ever met-besides myself, of course."

Logan laughed weakly, resting his head on James' shoulder. "Only you, James..."

"Logan, Cassie isn't a part of your life anymore. She hasn't been for a long time. And as for your family? Fuck them. If they can't-_won't-_accept you for who you truly are, then you shouldn't seek their approval."

"I'm just so scared." Logan whimpered, reaching blindly for James' hand, as if it were the only thing that would anchor him to the bed. He gripped it like a lifeline, staring at the way their fingers fit together like two pieces of a longlost puzzle. James sighed softly, stroking Logan's reddened cheek with the back of his index finger.

"You're not alone, Logan. I'm scared, too." He informed the brainy actor, cursing the fact that he was now more than likely committed to telling Logan _the _story.

Logan somehow managed to catch James' train of thought and twined his fingers in those silky sandy locks. "If you're not comfortable with telling me, it's completely okay. I would never force you to do something you don't want to do." He said, voice hushed, soothing. James felt relief flood through his veins as Logan put his anxiety to rest.

"Sorry I can't do the same. It was just killing me, not knowing."

"No, it's fine. You deserve to know. But in the future, just remember that if anything's on your mind, I want you to come talk to me about it." Logan told him, pressing his lips to the hollow of James' collarbone.

James heart thudded in his chest erratically at Logan's words, heart and soul filling with hope. "Does that mean...? You-you said in the future...Does that mean we have a future?" He asked almost silently, praying to God that Logan would be willing to take this chance. James felt Logan bury his head in his neck, felt the heat from Logan's blushing skin.

Lifting his head from the warm comfort of James, Logan allowed a small smile on his face as he nodded quickly. "Yes, James." He whispered, cradling the side of James' face in his hand, bringing him in for a quick kiss.

Heart soaring in his chest, the taller brunette framed both sides of Logan's head with his hands and peppered kisses across his face-eyebrows, cheeks, forehead, nose, chin. It all got equal amounts of attention. "You're serious?" _Say yes, say yes, say yes._

"I'm dead serious, James." Logan brought a hand up, covering James' with his own. "Don't make me regret it, okay?"

"Never." James let out a relieved sigh, capturing Logan's lips quickly and passionately. "I'm going to treat you so good, Logan." He pecked him once more, eyes filled with delight. "God, I can do that anytime I want."

"I'm looking forward to it." Logan wrapped his arms around James' midsection, lowering both of them down into a laying position. "It's late. You can stay here for the night."

James ran his fingers through Logan's hair, burning him with his intense gaze. "You sure?"

"Definitely." The shorter laid his head down on James' chest, deciding that the sturdy warmth was more comfortable than any other pillow. James wrapped his arms around Logan, cuddling him closer and resting his hands on the small of his back. "Night, James." Logan sighed in content, pressing a kiss to James' shirt covered chest.

Feeling his insides practically turn to goo at the realization that he was _holding _Logan, James smiled in the darkness and silently sent a quick thank-you to God. "Goodnight, Logan." He whispered, eyes slipping shut as he succumbed to a peaceful sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N So...you guys have no idea how bad I feel. It's been waaaay too long since I last updated, and honestly, I don't know when I'll be able to next. I've been SO busy with school, work, and a whole lot of personal shit that I just need to deal with. I figured I'd post this now-yes, it's very short, very much a filler chapter, but as always, enjoy :)

James shifted in his sleep, slowly waking up as his sleep-addled subconcious tried to figure out what the heavy object on top of him was. He managed to crack an eye open, but quickly closed it again to block out the offensive rays of sun peaking through the window. Looking down his body, James felt his heart start pounding the instant he saw Logan's dark hair steadily rising and falling with his chest. He took note of the peaceful expression on the boy's face, the way his mouth was barely open, the way his eyelids fluttered faintly with grace.

_I can't believe he's mine. Logan Mitchell is mine. And I didn't have to force him or anything. Okay, I may have pushed a little bit...but it all worked out. And that fucker Cassie is gonna get hers. Almost cost me a super cute, super talented boyfriend. I just hope he's not too hesitant about physical stuff. _James shifted once more, eyes widening. _Aw shit! Damn morning wood. Dammit, dammit, dammit. That's gonna freak him out more than anything else. _He took a deep breath and tried to will his erection away. _Okay. Grandma Eloise in a swimsuit. Uncle John in his boxers. Grandma Eloise in a swimsuit. Uncle John in his boxers. Dammit! Just go away already! No, no, no Logan don't put your leg-_James released a small, pitiful whine-_right there._

James watched with caution as Logan moved on top of him, brown eyes opening slowly. "Mmm..." He sighed in contentment. "Morning, James." Logan whispered, voice rough with sleep and exhaustion. Pressing a kiss to James' clothed chest, the brunette reached a hand up to run it down the side of his new boyfriend's face.

"Good morning, Logan..." James allowed a hesitant smile to spread across his face when he realized that Logan hadn't started freaking out on him.

Logan propped himself up on his elbows, looking directly into James' eyes. "You're worried I'm going to freak out." He stated matter-of-factly as he ran his fingertips across James' chest and tangled a hand in soft locks of hair. The side of Logan's mouth quirked up as he studied James' perfect face. _All mine. _Caressing the nape of James' neck, Logan pressed his lips to a sliver of tanned skin peeking out of James' shirt.

James flushed a deep red. "Well...yeah. I-I mean, you freaked out about everything else."

Logan bit his bottom lip, slowly moving up James' body until his face hovered over the other's. He swiped his tongue over his reddened lips before capturing James' face with his hands and dipping his face even closer. "Does this look like freaking out to you?" Logan mumured, a low hum deep in his chest. Pressing his lips to James' in the lightest means possible, Logan ran one hand through that soft sandy hair while caressing James' cheek with his other hand. Lips moved against each other in perfect sync, and for the first time, Logan took the iniative. He boldly, teasingly outlined James' lips with his tongue, mimicking the other's action from the night before. The pounding of James' heart urged Logan forward as James opened his mouth eagerly. Logan's tongue immediately delved into the gorgeous heat, exploring every area of James' mouth. He found his boyfriend's-his _boyfriend's_-tongue with his own and they quickly found a rhythm that matched the roaming of their hands.

Logan ran his left hand down James' side, hitching his leg up to rest on the side of the slender body underneath him. Never breaking the kiss, Logan planted his palms on James' chest and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He felt the distinct hardness pressed into his inner thigh and smiled against James' mouth. _How did I go from not wanting anything to do with a guy to __this__? How did I almost give this up? God this is ah-amazing. But God when did I become comfortable with all of this? _He felt a twitch in his pants. _Shut up, brain. Let me enjoy this._

And enjoy it he did. Logan snuck his hands up under the hem of James' shirt, marveling at those wondorous abs, strong and steady and hothothot. Reaching up a little further, Logan tweaked one of James' nipples, throughly enjoying the harsh jerk he recieved. "Logan..." James moaned into Logan's mouth, running his hands through short dark hair and tugging insistently. "Please..." Something inside Logan snapped when he heard James' plea, but allowed himself a few more moments with James' mouth before pulling away. _Oh man, what is wrong with me?_ _Can't go too far. Gotta have some degree of caution...control, Logan. Control. You let sleep deprivation get the best of you. Stupid, stupid, stupid. _Slowly moving off of the other, he kept an arm wrapped around the slender torso. Looking up, Logan noted James' pouty look of pure disappointment. James had slipped his eyes shut, lower lip sticking out adorably as his chest heaved rapidly in effort to regain air.

"That was mean." He mumbled, wrapping his arms around the smaller male. Gliding a hand through Logan's soft hair, he stared at the top of his boyfriend's-cue embarrasing inner squeals of delight-head and thanked God that Logan hadn't flipped out.

Logan smiled into James' side, curling in closer. "Be happy with the fact I let it go that far. Probably won't happen again anytime soon."

"Awww, Logie..." James whined, a smile tugging at his lips when Logan glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm just kidding. Why'd you let it go that far now?" He asked as he ran the tips of his fingers lightly over Logan's upper back, inwardly cheering when Logan shuddered with pleasure.

"I blame sleep deprivation. I was up until 3:30 this morning-thanks to a certain someone."

James smiled deviously, tipping Logan's face up so their eyes were locked. "Sorry 'bout that. I didn't mean to cause such inner turmoil."

"Ooh, someone knows some big words." Logan teased, placing a feather-light kiss to James' collarbone.

James lightly smacked Logan's back. "Shut up."

Logan moved himself further up James' side so their heads were resting side by side on the mountain of pillows. Staring into beautiful hazel eyes, Logan sifted his hand through conditioned-to-perfection hair and smiled. "So...I can't believe I actually let this happen." He mumbled as he pressed his lips to James' in a gentle kiss. Pulling back, he saw the panic in James' eyes and quickly realized how the other might have taken his previous statement the wrong way.

"Not that I regret it!" He clarified, cupping James' face in his hands. "I don't regret this, James."

James flushed bright pink and averted his gaze. "I'm just so scared that you're going to end up freaking out and running away from me." He quietly explained. "Logan...you have to understand that you're the first guy I've let myself be with since junior year in high school. That in itself should show how much I like you. I don't want you to let yourself be with me now, but then end up regretting it in a few days."

"That's not going to happen, James. Trust-"

"OH MY GOD!" Two squeals, severly contrasting in pitch, sounded from the doorway, causing Logan to jolt violently in shock. Turning his head, he saw Camille and Carlos standing at the entrance to his room, hands clasped over their mouths and eyes bugged out.

Logan sighed, slowly seperating himself from James. "How many times have I told you to _not _come storming into my room?" He snapped, running a hand through his messy hair.

Camille reached down to grasp Carlos' hand and dragged him further into the room. Carlos settled himself down on Logan's desk chair, Camille promptly sitting on his lap. "Oh my God, _Logan!_ This is so awesome! How'd it all happen?" The spunky actress leaned forward from her perch. "I demand details."

Looking down at James, Logan felt a pang of envy at how calm he looked. "Uh...James?" Logan locked eyes with his boyfriend and silently begged him to do the talking. James sat up, wrapping an arm around Logan's waist and pressing a soothing kiss to his temple.

"Basically, I came here in the middle of the night, and swept him off his feet."

Carlos let out a bark of laughter, resting his chin on Camille's shoulder. "Swept you off your feet, did he?" He asked Logan, shit-eating grin on his face.

Logan bit his lower lip and blushed fiercely. "That's not exactly what happened."

"So what did happen?" Camille insisted, leaning forward and staring at the new couple.

"I'll tell you guys about it later." Logan insisted, resting his head on James' shoulder. James smiled brilliantly and absently played with the short hairs at the nape of Logan's neck and nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah. Not trying to be rude or anything, but Logan was up until 3:30 and probably wants to go back to sleep for a little while longer."

Carlos raised his eyebrows. "Okay. We know how to take a hint. Logan, don't forget that we're helping you prepare for auditons tonight at 8:30." He said, tapping Camille's side as a signal to stand up. The actress pushed her lower lip out into a pout, looking back at Logan.

"You better call me right away."

"I will."

Once Carlos and Camille were out of the room and James was sure that the door was completely shut, he turned his head and smashed his lips to Logan's, emitting a rather...cute endearing squeak out of the smaller boy. Logan was hesitant to engage in the kiss, putting a small distance between their mouths. "Why'd you make them leave?"

James stared into Logan's eyes, a smirk pulling at his lips. "Because I want to spend some time in bed, kissing my new boyfriend. Is that alright?"

Logan smiled brightly, tangling a hand in soft locks of hair. He licked his lips in anticipation, hypnotized by James' gaze. "I think I'm okay with that."


	14. Chapter 14

There isn't really an excuse for how little I've been updating. I have been so, so, so busy with work, and school, and I have a ton of drama going on in my family right now. And it's just really hard to find time to write. This isn't really my best chapter, but I know that I needed to update before December...if you haven't completely abandoned this story, I hope you enjoy :)

Sitting outside the mainstage auditorium, James and Logan held hands and tried to focus on something other than the fact that the cast list for Wicked would posted right above their heads in a mere ten minutes. James chose to lock his gaze on Logan's dark hair, the way it curled around the shell of his pale ear, the way it shaggily fell in front of those chocolate eyes that James had become so used to. He focused on all the memories that Logan and himself had created over the past week and a half, trying to avoid thoughts about what would happen if Logan was cast as Fieryo instead of him. _I won't get pissed off at him. I will NOT get pissed off at him. Just remember how much he went through before deciding to date me. Just keep that in mind. I've managed to make it a week and half without screwing anything up._

A soft sigh pulled him out of his thoughts. Logan rested his head on James' shoulder, eyes watery and nervous. "What's wrong?" James asked quietly, running a gentle hand down the side of his boyfriend's face.

"I'm nervous, James. I haven't gone through this type of thing since high school." Logan took in a shuddering breath and dug his face further into the crook of the taller's neck. "And I'm worried about us." He said almost inaudibly. James could feel Logan's cheeks flame with a fierce blush as he spoke the words.

And he was confused. _Worried? A-about us? Why would he be worried about us? Oh God. I can't lose him._ James felt a shot of anxiety rocket through his body. "Wh-why are you worried about us?"

Logan looked up and locked eyes with James. "James, I have watched Carlos and Camille dance around each other for years, avoiding a relationship because they were worried that tension over their careers would ruin what they had together. If they were that nervous, and they wouldn't be competing for any type of role at all, then we should be really worried." He swallowed audibly and shifted his gaze to the floor. "I don't want to lose you over this, James."

James blinked once, feeling his chest tighten at Logan's words. "Logan...you're not gonna lose me. I fought to get you. I'm not gonna let you go."

"I don't want you to hate me if I ever get a role that you want."

Running his hand along the side of Logan's face, James ducked his head down closer. "I could never hate you, Logie. Even if you do get the part of Fieryo, I won't hold it against you. It'll just mean that you did better than me at auditions."

Logan shook his head fiercely. "No. That's impossible. You were wonderful, James. If I Can't Love Her from Beauty and the Beast was the perfect song for your audition. It was smart to not sing a song from Wicked. That's the biggest mistake I made." Logan laid his head on James' shoulder. "The only reason why I auditioned with Dancing Through Life was because I know that song really well. It's the one that got me here in the first place."

James had to bite back words of agreement, not quite ready to reveal to his boyfriend that he had watched his supposed-to-be-confidential audition tape. "Really? I didn't know that." _Thank God for acting classes._

Nodding, the shorter brunette sighed heavily. "And plus, you look more like a Fieyro than I do. I'd be able to give a more convincing performance if I were to be cast as Boq. If I get a part at all." He looked at James. "If I get cast as Fieyro, I'll tell them that I don't want it, okay? I know how much having the lead male role means to you."

And didn't that just make James feel guilty? "Logan, no. I don't want you to do that. If you get that part, it means that you deserve it. I wouldn't take that away from you." And before Logan could say another word of protest, James ducked his face down and captured those red lips he had become so accustomed to. He tangled a hand in Logan's short brown hair, coaxing the other boy's mouth open with his tongue. Feeling a low groan emit from his partner's throat only made him kiss with more fervor as he wrapped his free hand behind Logan's neck.

A clearing of a throat above them broke their kiss. Logan, blushing as red as a fire truck, looked up and locked eyes with Professor Rivera. _Crap_.

"Excuse me, gentleman. I didn't mean to break up such an...endearing moment." The elder raised an eyebrow, piercing the pair with a judgmental glare. "Mr. Diamond, may I have a word with you?" Not waiting for a reply, Professor Rivera spun on his heel and walked back down the hallway.

James looked at Logan and bit his bottom lip. "I'll be right back, okay?" At Logan's nod, James pecked his boyfriend's lips, stood up, and quickly followed the stern teacher.

Coming to a stop at the end of the hallways, Professor Rivera turned to face James, a look of disapproval etched on his face. "What was that about, Mr. Diamond?" He asked, settling his hands on his hips. James felt his cheeks heat up and he swallowed audibly. Looking into Professor Rivera's eyes, he let out a deep breath.

"It-it's not what you think."

"Really?" Professor Rivera cocked an eyebrow. "To me, it looked like you were kissing the same boy that I gave an audition recommendation to—under your pleading. That can't just be a coincidence, James."

James sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, here's what happened. But you cannot tell my father about _any _of this." Waiting for Professor Rivera's nod, James continued. "I didn't get together with Logan until a week and a half ago. Way after you gave him the recommendation. I barely even knew him when I asked you to do that. All I knew was that he an insanely talented guy who deserved a shot. That's all. I wasn't dating him then."

Professor Rivera adjusted the square glasses on his face and smoothed a hand over the front of his dress shirt. "And why don't you want me to tell your father about any of this?"

"Because he'd disown me and kick me out of Juilliard." James said simply, looking down at the ground.

"Why? There are many gay male performers on Broadway. You'd fit right in."

"Yeah, well, Dad doesn't want a son who's gay. Believe me. Been down that road before. I'd really rather not do it again." James intoned, shrugging his shoulders and shoving his hands in his front pockets.

Professor Rivera nodded once. "Very well. I won't mention any of this to your father. Now, I presume that you and Mr. Mitchell were waiting for the cast list to be posted?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'll let you get back to that. Have a good day, James." Professor Rivera said, stepping around James and walking down the hallway. Stopping about ten feet away from James, the teacher turned around and smiled. "You two make a lovely couple, James. Don't let your father undermine what makes you happy."

James could feel a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Thank you, Professor." With that, the sandy-haired student practically sprinted back down the hallways and collapsing to the ground beside Logan. He gathered the brunette boy into his arms and kissed his neck repeatedly.

"Wha-what was that about, James?" Logan asked, attempting to maintain a sense of concentration, despite the intoxicating effect that his boyfriend's mouth had on him. "What did Professor Rivera—_oh that feels really good_—need you for?" James ignored him and continued to suck and nip at Logan's sensitive, creamy-white skin. Logan wrapped an arm around James' neck and pulled his head up and away from his clavicle to meet his eager, awaiting lips. Almost immediately, James' tongue invaded Logan's mouth, tasting every inch of his partner while swallowing the small moans of pleasure that were escaping Logan's throat.

Once they broke apart, Logan inhaled and exhaled quickly, trying to regain his breath, cheeks flushed. "J-James…I need to tell you something."

"What?" James' voice was breathless, guttural, and deep. Logan loved it.

"They-they posted the cast list while you were with Professor Rivera. I didn't want to look at it until you got back."

James' eyes popped open and he jumped to his feet, pulling Logan with him. "Oh my God, Logan! Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Uh…you kind of attacked me before I could, James." Logan smiled when James wrapped his arm around his waist. "Not that I'm complaining." He pressed a gentle kiss to James' neck and turned to face him.

"You love my kisses."

"That I do." Logan grinned, still in complete wonder over the fact that he was so comfortable with having a boyfriend. _I should not be this relaxed and okay with kissing James in public. Someone could easily catch us and—_Logan was more than a little shocked when he felt a lightning bolt filled with lust rocket through his chest, into his stomach, and coming to a stop at his cock. _Oh God. How did I not know that I find getting caught a turn on. Better not tell James about that one._

James ran a hand through the sensitive hair on the nape of Logan's neck and smiled crookedly. "Let's go look at the call sheet before the entire mob of hopefuls crowd the area."

Feeling his stomach flip-flop repeatedly, Logan gulped. "I'm nervous."

"We'll be fine, Logie. I promise." Coming to in front of the bulletin board outside of the theater offices, James faced Logan and planted his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders, bracing the both of them. "We'll be okay." And with a deep breath, James turned to look at the list that was tacked onto the cork.

**Elphaba- **Lucy Stone

**Glinda- **Jo Taylor

**The Wizard of Oz- **James Diamond

**Fieryo- **Logan Mitchell

**Boq- **Jett Stetson

**Doctor Dillamond- **Dak Zevon

**Madame Morrible- **Jennifer Bruin

**Nessarose- **Stephanie King

******All other ensemble castings will be posted on ******

James felt his heart plummet to his stomach and his head begin to pound at the sight of Logan's name beside Fieyro's. _I. Didn't. Get. It. Oh my God, I didn't get it. Oh God. This has never happened before. What-what do I do? What do I say? Oh my God I don't know what to do. _He heard Logan gasp audibly and grip his forearm. _Focus on Logan. Focus on Logan. You can get mad later._

Gulping down his emotions, James turned to face Logan and forced a wry smile on his face. "Congrats, Logie." He said with false happiness as he pressed a kiss to the top of his boyfriend's head. Logan was staring at the paper, his mouth hung open in shock.

"I got the part." A small whisper emitted from the quiet boy.

"Yes, you did. I'm so proud of you." This time, the words James spoke had a ring of truth to them. _I am proud of him. I really am. _James repeated the phrase in his head like a mantra.

Logan tilted his head up to stare at James. "James…I'm really sorry. I know how much you wanted it." His voice quivered with nerves as he grabbed James' fingers in a vice-tight grip. James smiled weakly and pressed his lips to Logan's.

"I'm not mad at you. You obviously deserve the part." James framed Logan's face between his hands. "You're going to be fantastic."

A small grin spread across Logan's features and he quickly kissed James' cheek. "Are you sure?" At James' slight nod, he smiled even more broadly. "Hey! You got the Wizard! That's a big part!"

"Yeah, it is. It'll be fun, playing the insane guy."

"I know that you'll own the stage whenever you're on it. You always do." Logan said encouragingly.

James smiled crookedly and encircled Logan's waist with his sturdy arms. "We'll be fantastic. I just know it." He kissed Logan's forehead gently. "We should probably go and start practicing for our scene preview in Nielson's class on Wednesday. Still haven't split the song into tenor and bass parts. That'll take a while."

Logan wrapped himself around his boyfriend, holding his impossibly close. "You sure we're okay?"

_Not really. _"Absolutely."

He'd deal with it tomorrow.


End file.
